President Trump promises to do one of the most evil things imaginable
This is such a massive relief...
I’ve got brilliant news for those who were worried that President Trump is now a man of peace: he has promised to do one of the most evil things imaginable! I bet you’re feeling as relieved as I am...
In a carefully-worded statement that contained no spelling errors and few grammatical errors, the US President threatened to murder everyone in Gaza, unless Hamas releases the hostages that Israel hasn’t killed and the bodies of the hostages that Israel has killed.
The surviving hostages are to be included in the “everyone in Gaza” that Trump plans to kill, but Netanyahu agrees this is a price worth paying. If Hamas does not release those hostages, I’m afraid they must not be allowed to get in the way of genocide. Therefore, the Hannibal Directive will once again come into effect. What else would you expect the only democracy in the Middle East to do? Respect the peace process?
Several Israeli hostages have been accused of “Hamas talking points” since their release because any suggestion of honouring the ceasefire is a Hamas talking point. Obviously, such treachery cannot be tolerated. It is hoped the Hannibal Directive will serve as a warning to any Israeli who is becoming sympathetic towards their captors.
President Trump told the people of Gaza that if Hamas hands over the hostages, a beautiful future awaits them. By beautiful future, he means he will upgrade their genocide to an ethnic cleansing - a kind and generous offer.
While Hamas is considering this kind and generous offer, Israel is withholding food and essentials to Gaza in strict violation of international law. It is ready to cut off electricity and water too, but if you call this an occupation, you are being anti-Semitic.
Israel says it has no obligation to feed Palestinians which is why it’s not letting anyone else feed Palestinians. We’ve come a long way since the days of pretending Israel would never bomb a hospital, haven’t we?
Sensibly, the British government is saying Israel’s illegal blockade only risks violating international law to create a false sense of ambiguity. This is so they can pretend they’re not complicit in collective punishment and genocide.
The BBC sensibly used neutral language to describe the situation and boasted they are criticised by those who support genocide and those who oppose it. They are really proud of this middle ground where everyone hates them.
Downing Street has expressed support for Trump’s plan to demolish the remaining 5% of buildings in Gaza so he can make a huge golf course. Anyone who objects will be visited by counter-terrorism police like that holocaust survivor who wanted to lay flowers for Palestinian children. The fucking monster.
Sir Keir Starmer has rejected Jeremy Corbyn’s request for an inquest into the government's role in Gaza because if one happened, he would probably go to jail. Instead, the government will introduce a law to ban Jeremy Corbyn and anyone who thinks like him. Europe is making a similar move, as is the US.
Reassuringly, Trump is so pro-first amendment that he is demanding the censorship of anti-genocide voices. The president is so determined to put America first that he is sending Israel another $2.7 billion. This is because his foreign aid cuts were more about starving brown people than saving them from bombs.
Democrats were horrified by Trump’s announcement because they would pretend to be mildly disappointed in Netanyahu before sending him a $2.7 billion welfare cheque.
It is hoped that with Trump’s support, Israel can wipe Palestine off the map within three months and get on with the Greater Israel Project. Israel is allowed to do this because 3% of its population can trace their ancestry back to Palestinian land if you go back two or three thousand years.
In other news, it turns out the people who built stone henge had dark brown or black skin. Africans have therefore declared the UK is their ancestral homeland and they are helping themselves to 55% of Britain. Brits will live under a blockade in the remaining 45% which will gradually shrink over time. Whenever we object, we are to be bombed with the support of the US and Europe to help stamp out racism. This is only fair x
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"In a carefully-worded statement" LOL
My favorite part of 47's statement is that he signed his threats to Hamas in ALL CAPS with his name and title, on a social media account that bears his name & with user name is @real... Is it a sign of cognitive decline that he has to keep reminding himself who he is?
Empty vessels make most sound.