Police distraught as woman acquitted of being racist towards racist politicians

This is a dark day for state censorship...

I think we can all agree recent years have been a golden era for opponents of free speech:

Riot cops will take a truncheon to your bonce if you hold a sign saying “Prince Andrew is a sweaty nonce”; counter-terrorism police will break down your door if you get too many likes posting “Free Palestine”; you can be banned from Facebook for sharing factual information (to protect the public from misinformation); tech CEOs who aren’t censoring enough can be arrested and forced into compliance; and a guy in Berlin was prosecuted for satirical use of a Swastika by Germans who are supporting another holocaust. Thankfully, these censorship rules don’t go too far…

For example, you can say racist things about immigrants and refugees and this means you have “genuine concerns”. You can tell a Jew who opposes genocide, they’re the “wrong type of Jew” and that is totally fine. Real racism is when you disagree with the establishment.

Thankfully, our hate speech laws are targeting the real racists: ethnic minorities who challenge the establishment, and anyone who thinks Palestinians count as human beings.

Nothing gets a white supremacist aroused faster than telling black and brown women they’re the real racists. Therefore, it’s perfectly understandable that police arrested Marieha Hussein when she held up a sign at a protest, depicting Rishi Sunak and Suella Braverman as coconuts, just because their policies blasted brown people to pieces. Anti-genocide protesters are so unreasonable.

The people who hate cancel culture were fully supportive of Marieha’s arrest and wanted her to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. This is because you have no right to offend people like us, you bastard fucking snowflake idiot cuntfaces, fuck you! Being offensive is only acceptable when we do it.

One of Marieha’s most ridiculous defences was that she was using satire to highlight the hypocrisy of our politicians. All I can say is anyone who would resort to satire is a child who is incapable of articulating themselves in a grownup manner. Personally, I would ban all satire, unless it’s pro-government satire, of course. We should all learn to punch down, not up.

An Asian woman cannot depict Asian politicians as coconuts, but Asian politicians can tell Asians to fuck off back to where they came from. “How can they be racist when they’re criticising their own race?” is only an acceptable argument when you’re punching down.

Absolutely no one at the anti-genocide protests felt Marieha’s placard caused them “alarm or distress”, but days later, police saw the sign online and decided they should have felt alarm and distress. Clearly, everyone who saw the sign on the day was wrong. Therefore, Marieha needed to be punished to protect the people who weren’t alarmed or distressed.

You might not be able to get a police officer to visit your house when you’ve been burgled, but you can rest assured officers are focusing on the important stuff.

Metropolitan Police recently announced they have a dedicated thought police officer who trawls the internet to identify thought crimes. It appears the decision to arrest Marieha was made when attention was drawn to a photo on social media. It was at this point the thought police officer yelled: “Yes, I’ve caught my first thought criminal!” and arranged for Marieha to be dragged to Room 101. I’m unclear why she was ever allowed out. Due process is so unnecessary.

One of the more heart-warming aspects of this story is that Marieha was eight months pregnant when she was forced to stand trial, making the process extremely uncomfortable for her.

Marieha’s lawyer argued in court that anti-racists should have “the right to criticise members of their own race for pursuing racist policies”. How anyone can think politicians should be criticised for being racist is beyond me.

The prosecution could not present a single witness to testify they were alarmed or distressed by Marieha’s coconut sign. I’m unclear why they never asked me, because I, a white woman, would have gladly lectured ethnic minorities about their racist opposition to racism. This could have been my moment.

It’s a national disgrace that Marieha was acquitted of the Aggravated Public Order Offence (thought crime). Horrifyingly, the judge decided the thought crime was fine because it came under the “genre of political satire”. All I can say is anyone who appreciates political satire is a fucking weirdo who should be shunned by civilised society. What is wrong with these people?

Understandably, the thought police were devastated by the court verdict. A spokesperson said: “While we did not get the outcome we deserved, at least we vindictively made a mother suffer during the final stages of her pregnancy and put the health of her unborn baby in jeopardy. We also destroyed her teaching career. She will think twice about upsetting the establishment again, won’t she?”

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