Police identify blind man in wheelchair as mastermind behind Hamas UK
Police have captured the mastermind they believe is behind the zero terror attacks carried out by Hamas UK. It is feared the unnamed suspect came up with the words on all the signs that we're not allowed to repeat. He was thought to be days away from developing a slogan that makes fun of Yvette Cooper.
The man, who is known only by his sinister alias "Mr Peace", was once second-in-command to the 83-year-old vicar who was given the death penalty for saying "genocide is wrong". Together, the pair commanded a savage army of ageing women and disabled people who make forbidden signs.
Wheelchair users and silver-haired women are the two most feared groups in the UK and they must be stopped. Thankfully, the government is planning new legislation to ban "disability while having a conscience" and "going through menopause while not being a Tory". The planned legislation is so thorough that anyone pushing a wheelchair will be considered a terrorist supporter and dealt with appropriately. Only problem is we have no idea where we are going to jail them all.
Police arrested literally hundreds of opponents of genocide in Parliament Square today. Cunning officers tracked down Mr Peace after finding him holding a sign in broad daylight, surrounded by 1,000 other thought criminals. Those investigating officers are really earning their money, aren't they?
Several police officers took out their truncheons and heroically attacked the man who is blind and sits in a wheelchair. Miraculously, most of the officers survived the encounter, but one cuntstable died from shame as he wheeled the suspect away. May he rest in peace.
Screams can currently be heard coming from the local police station, which I'm told are due to torture. Once the names of every grandma and disabled person in the UK have been extracted from the suspect, he is to be publicly executed live on GB News (who outbid Normal Island News for the broadcasting rights). Yvette Cooper has volunteered to personally do the beheading because "this one is personal" x
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As an old disabled woman who carries signs, I'm sure I'll be joining him soon in a joint US/UK concentration camp, but it's only what we deserve, for hurting the feelings of genocidal lunatics everywhere (mostly in Parliament and in Congress).
You are much needed although honestly, I don't understand how any of the world leaders and their spokespeople cannot see how absolutely farcical everything they say and do is. How are they taking themselves seriously