Hey, toothless idiots!
You should know that your favourite member of parliament, non-reformed football hooligan, man of the people, and food budgeting expert, 30p Lee is deeply upset. I think he needs a cuddle.
Poor Lee debated Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Mark Rowley in parliament and found himself intellectually outmatched, thanks to Sir Mark’s unnerving ability to form complete sentences without slurring.
Lee was caught unawares while working his second job as an MP; his first job being a £100,000 a year gig at Gbeebies where he is definitely one of their more credible journalists. I know this is hard to believe, but £100,000 Lee is marginally more insightful (inciteful?) than Laurence Fox and almost as impressive as me.
As someone who is used to standing in a pub in Hull, yelling about “foreigners” as drunks in Britain First t-shirts nod along, Lee was under the misguided notion his reactionary nonsense could win a debate against someone who was sober and had a vague understanding of the subject matter.
Lee was clearly aghast to be challenged on all the points he was making, just because they were complete and utter bollocks. All he wanted to do was call Sir Mark Rowley a useless c&@! because he was refusing to illegally round up peaceful protesters and throw them into a moat filled with crocodiles.
Sir Mark didn’t seem to understand that if Lee shouts something over and over again in parliament, it retroactively becomes law. Sir Mark should have got into a time machine and arrested all of the people the law didn’t allow him to arrest, but sadly, he is not as smart as Lee and therefore refused. Personally, I think we should do a cancel culture on him.
At one point, £100,000 Lee ranted:
“Do you agree with the recommendations by Policy Exchange that there should be zero tolerance of these events [peaceful protests]?
“Just this morning we’ve seen protesters on Parliament Square, probably as you were coming into the building.
“Don’t you think it’s time you left the ivory tower and got out there on Whitehall and sorted these people out?
“People of London are getting fed up of it and you’re just letting it happen.
“You’ve got the powers now to do this.”
Ridiculously, Sir Mark did not appreciate being accused of living in an ivory tower and felt that peaceful protest should be allowed as though we live in a democracy or something. Bloody idiot.
Sir Mark replied:
“Those powers aren’t in existence yet.
“You’re making selective comments based on a partial understanding of the law… the law is very clear that protest is disruptive and to a certain extent that is allowed.
“You might not like that, but I have to work to the law rather than whim.”
By obeying the law, the Metropolitan Police Commissioner was obviously just being woke. Lee offered a perfectly reasonable position and you can imagine how it felt when Sir Mark spoke to him like he’s an idiot, just because he’s not a non-idiot.
After the encounter, Lee decided to use his powers of shouting in parliament until the thing he wants magically becomes law, and as a result, it’s now illegal for the police to make him cry. It’s just as well. Lee was so upset by the encounter, he retreated to his safe space - Paul Golding’s flat - where I understand they spent the night watching an Enoch Powell box set as they snuggled on the sofa.
You will be pleased to know that Lee is a supporter of the death penalty, and Sir Mark had better watch out because Lee just has to shout really loud and it becomes law.
Personally, I would give the death penalty to everyone who Lee decides is “woke” because he is clearly a man of impeccable judgement; the type who yells at his screen until the PC goes faster, rather than close down his porn tabs; the type who boycotts football games if a player suggests that black lives do, in fact, matter. Lee is truly a man of the working class which, as everyone knows, is composed only of racist white men who unironically watch Gbeebies and open beer bottles with their one tooth.
As a true patriot, £100,000 Lee is super popular among his fellow Tories. Well, apart from the leader of the Camden Conservatives who said he would not invite that “carpet bagger” to Camden and would not have selected him as an MP if it were up to him.
All of the other Tories love Lee though, apart from the 99% of them who went to Eton and are embarrassed by the “unwashed northern plonker who used to be a Labour councillor”. Those people are almost as embarrassed by Lee as Labour is that Lee was once a Labour councillor.
Thankfully for Lee, the Tories are willing to tolerate him because by having an unwashed northern plonker in their ranks, they can pretend they represent the other unwashed northern plonkers, even though they have nothing to offer them, other than calling everything “woke” until they’re throwing bottles at their TV screens and screaming at rainbows x
Thank you so much for letting me vent! If you enjoyed this article, you can buy me a coffee below or simply share this article with a friend. It helps me more than you realise. Writing is my full-time job, meaning I am so broke and without this blog supplementing my income, I cannot pay the bills! x
Watching the exchange was nearly as funny as 30p getting all shitty the next day after being a shouty arrogant prick. Loving the post's x
Unfortunately the MP in my area. I stress he's not MY MP though. I think he's as common as muck and that's my opinion coming from my parent's and grandparent's mining and railway background. Proud to be an honest and decent working class person. I class him as WHATATWAT, though. Can't stand anything about the creature. 😒