AI clone of Netanyahu vows to continue Iran war, despite death of his mortal body

An AI clone of Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu has vowed to lead US troops into war, despite his original human body being squished into tomato puree in an Iranian airstrike. Rest assured, the coming ground invasion will be paid for by Americans with no healthcare, or “goyim” to use the politically correct term.

The AI clone made the announcement yesterday at a press conference that contained no press. At first, everyone assumed this conference meant Netanyahu’s body had survived Iranian strikes because the footage looked almost convincing, but there were signs that something was amiss, such as the low video resolution and the sleeves being rendered before our eyes like a badly-optimised video game.

At this point, we were concerned that we were looking at an AI “deep fake”, but the truth was reassuring: the spirit of Bibi lives on in cyberspace. You can imagine our joy when we realised Hell had returned our favourite war criminal so the Middle East wars could continue.

The only person sad about this news is Netanyahu’s son Yair who is unclear what is happening about his inheritance now. Yair had observed seven days of Shiva—a period of mourning in which you must resist posting on social media, no matter how many likes you can get. For a social media addict like Yair, this period was excruciating, but now he has got through it. We’ve all had to make sacrifices in this war.

Yair’s father had not attended a government meeting since his physical death over a week ago, but now that his robot body is ready, that is about to change. The custodian of the Epstein files announced that Iran no longer has the capacity to produce ballistic missiles or nukes, but he wants to continue the war regardless because American lives don’t matter.

The AI clone, who prefers to go by the name “Mecha-Netanyahu”, said he is keen to return to the White House at the next opportunity to give out instructions. It’s unclear if Trump will be expected to give Mecha-Netanyahu a shoulder rub, now that he is no longer made of flesh. This will be a learning curve for everyone.

When Trump was informed of Netanyahu’s demise, he sighed in relief because he thought his Epstein nightmare was over. His first question was “Does this mean I get to be US president now?” but his AIPAC handler said: “No, sir, it does not.”

Trump was then told he is expected to sacrifice at least $200 billion and 250,000 US troops to the Greater Israel Project. This news comes at a difficult time for the US which has just lost two F-35 fighter jets, despite them being invisible and Iran having no air defences. I can only assume they suffered from fires in the laundry room or something. It looks like we are going to see an awful lot of laundry room fires in the coming months…

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