Bank of England decides to f*ck the working class

It's only right the poor pay for the crimes of the rich

The Bank of England has decided to raise interest rates again for the 13th time in a row because fuck poor people! A hike from 4.5% to 5% is going to do nothing to curb inflation; it will actually increase inflation and that’s precisely the point.

The plan is to ensure workers lose their homes because this is the most efficient way of transferring those assets to their rightful owners, the corporate landlords. What do you weirdos think houses are for? Providing you with warmth and shelter? Don’t be silly!

Honestly, Generation Entitled™ think they should be entitled to a roof over their heads without enriching property investors in the process. They actually think they should be the ones who own the asset they’re paying for. That’s not how the system works, idiots!

To put you in your place, we’re going to increase unemployment and cause a recession because as all clever people have been saying, it’s supposed to hurt.

If it’s not hurting, it’s not working. And when we say “hurting”, we’re talking about hurting you, and when we say “working”, we’re talking about working for us. Is this getting clear yet?

Lazy millennials are about to endure another recession as punishment for feeling entitled to not live through another recession. When the government promised a “high wage economy”, they meant high wages for them not for you.

James Cleverly was interviewed on BBC Radio 4 and revealed he doesn’t know what core inflation means, but he assured us the government is not exploring any measures to curb inflation because it doesn’t want to.

Yes, the government is going to do absolutely nothing! No reduction of energy bills, no windfall taxes on banks and certainly no support for people struggling to pay mortgages such as allowing them to switch to interest-only payments or adjust the length of their mortgage or have repossession proceedings delayed. Most importantly, there will be no emergency protection fund for people going through repossession.

We’ve seen a wave of strikes over the past year or so because trade unions decided workers are not going to be poor anymore. Nice try. If you lot bully your bosses into giving you a pay rise, we'll just increase inflation and hike interest rates so your money is worth less than what it was before. We’ll even blame your pay rise for the inflation, and never mind that three companies - Argos, WH Smith and Marks and Spencers - have not even been paying their workers minimum wage!

Did you know it’s the fault of shop workers that your heating bill is sky high and it’s the fault of pizza deliverers that the Tories have been dumping shit on your beaches? There is absolutely no logic in what I've just said, but I asserted it confidently and I’m on TV so it must be true.

Please understand, we are ignoring reality because we are incentivised to promote lies that personally benefit us financially, and as long as we’re consistent in our messaging, we can dupe enough of you to keep the scam going.

Embarrassingly, the Bank of England’s own report revealed that workers’ wages are not the cause of inflation - the problems come from big business, finance and the high pay sectors. It’s an interest-price spiral not a wage-price spiral, but that’s totally irrelevant, of course.

Obviously, we can’t can’t ask high pay sectors to become slightly lower paid sectors because we’re not all in this together. Therefore, I’ve shredded the Bank of England report, set fire to the shreds and dropped the ashes into the memory hole. That report never existed, okay?

Interest rates are going to boost bank profits and bankers’ pay, but that definitely never factored into the Bank of England’s decision. Okay, it probably did, but who cares?

If our system is incentivising bad people to act against the interests of the public, this is perfectly sensible. The governor of the Bank of England is making the “tough decisions” we keep telling you about. It’s tough for Andrew Bailey to put the burden on you, knowing he will enjoy his £597,592 salary without the slightest impact on his living standards.

Last year the Bank of England paid out £23 million in bonuses and I’m sure you'll agree there are no ruthless bastards who deserve their ill-gotten gains more. Obviously, bankers' bonuses do not drive inflation, only wages that don’t even cover the cost of living can do that.

What we’re saying is your wages are never allowed to be better, because better wages drive inflation by giving rich people an excuse to price gouge. It’s your fault you’re getting ripped off.

You should pull yourself up by your bootstraps like the people who came before you when things were much more affordable! Wise old people have been forced to explain they paid off their mortgages when interest rates were much higher than today, although they could buy a house with a sack of potatoes and a goat back then.

One Twitter user offered to buy Edwina Currie’s house at the price she paid in 1446 at 16% interest, but sadly, Edwina explained she has no need for a goat and a sack of potatoes, so that Twitter user has to remain a tenant forever. Obviously, that’s all young people are good for, apart from zero hours contracts and conscription.

Landlords who’ve already paid off their mortgages tell me they’re looking forward to increasing rents above the rate of inflation. Funnily enough, a quarter of Tory MPs are landlords and as we all know, Tory MPs love a good party. It’s party time for the haves whereas the have-nots are not even allowed to eat cake.

We’re told the UK has a bigger problem with inflation than other countries, but inflation is not a problem, it’s a stick to discipline the great unwashed. And if you lot get out of line again, we might even bring back Liz Truss, you have been warned x

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