British Prime Minister Morgan McSweeney resigns due to Epstein files

Normally, I don’t write two newsletters in a day because I’m too lazy, but a huge story has broken that I have to cover so you’re getting an extra one. Aren’t you lucky? Okay, here goes…

British prime minister Morgan McSweeney has resigned due to the revelations about Peter Mandelson in the Epstein files - the biggest scandal since Dominic Cummings drove his kids to Barnard castle to check his eyesight.

McSweeney had governed the UK via his proxy Sir Keir Starmer for the past 18 months, but his reign has sadly come to an end. He will be missed by everyone who thinks the country is heading in the right direction, which is no one.

When McSweeney hired the man known as the “Prince of Darkness” as US ambassador, no one could have predicted it would go wrong. Well, no one with the IQ of a sea sponge (such as most mainstream journalists). Everyone else is like, “Yeah, I knew this would happen”, including the security services who raised their concerns at the time.

McSweeney’s contributions to government include getting Starmer to U-turn on every manifesto promise, crushing the working class, and blaming everything on immigrants. Both him and Mandelson were confident Labour’s voters would have nowhere else to go. Only problem is they have gone literally everywhere but Labour.

Peter Mandelson’s communications as US ambassador must now be published so you can imagine how much they’re all panicking...

Over in the US, they are so worried, they are about to reveal the existence of aliens. In the UK, we don’t have any flying saucers because they never crash here for some reason. Therefore, Starmer must deal with the fall out head on. His strategy is to throw everyone under a bus and pretend he is the solution to the problem. This way nothing needs to change and the people pulling the strings can get on with things.

Starmer is going with the line: “Morgan made me do it,” but this is a confusing argument because I was always told McSweeney was a genius playing 27-dimensional chess. It appears we are now saying McSweeney’s ideas weren’t good, but we’re continuing with them anyway, and hoping no one notices Labour Together is still a thing.

For over three years, McSweeney was director of Labour Together, the group that failed to declare £740,000 in donations and was fined by the Electoral Commission. Aside from that small error, Labour Together was determined to do politics the honest way. For example, it secretly hired private investigators to spy on journalists for probing its funding. Obviously, this was not for blackmail purposes. Only Epstein islanders would do things like that...

For a time, the core purpose of Labour Together was to overthrow Jeremy Corbyn, seize control of the Labour Party, and purge anyone who believed in meaningful change. This was so they could bring in people with principles, such as the Prince of Darkness.

Labour Together’s effort involved things like demonetising pro-Corbyn media outlets, such as the Canary, because the last thing we need is free speech.

McSweeney’s politics were such a roaring success that Labour has record low polling and is coming fourth in most polls. Strangely, it turns out that having policies that appeal to no one, and hiring members of Epstein’s inner-circle, are not vote winners. Who knew?

In his farewell speech, McSweeney apologised for hiring Mandelson and explained he was motivated only by a pathological hatred of Labour’s voter base.

You will be reassured to hear that, like Mandelson, McSweeney is expected to get a huge payoff for his gross misconduct. He is then expected to take Mandelson’s seat in the House of Lords.

---

Thank you so much for reading my outstanding journalism! If you enjoyed this article, you can buy me a coffee below or simply share this article with a friend. Your support is hugely appreciated x