Brits hugely relieved rich woman did not endure NHS queue
Two-tier healthcare systems are brilliant
Brits are thrilled the media has given wall-to-wall coverage to a rich person who fell ill and didn’t have to risk her life waiting in an NHS queue for an operation that might never come. The woman called Catherine is so rich that she doesn’t have a job and contributes nothing to society, but society pays for her to have the best possible healthcare, even though she’s rich.
I was going to interview casualties in the hell on earth known as Accident and Emergency to see what sick and injured people thought of the news, but I set one foot in there, heard the screams of kids writhing on the floor with broken bones, and walked out before I caught one of those hospital superbugs.
Thankfully, I managed to catch up with Robert, 42, an accountant who takes his colostomy bag into work because he’s not sick enough for disability allowance but still has the correct opinions. He said:
“I’ve just been told that mortality rates for bowel cancer have shot up by fifty percent because immigrants made the Tories defund the NHS and I’ve been waiting for my latest round of cancer treatment for ages. At least I know that if I die in this queue, Catherine got immediate surgery on her abdomen without having to go through what I went through. I don’t know if her situation was life threatening like mine, but I wouldn’t want her to have the slightest inconvenience.”
Catherine is understood to be so unwell that she is unable to work or care for her children for the next two weeks, after which she will not be working or caring for her children because she has servants for that.
Catherine’s surgery comes after her father-in-law, Charles, had surgery on his rectum, which was incredibly serious because this is the body part that does most of his talking. Obviously, it would be terrible if we didn’t have to listen to Charles again and it’s wonderful that Catherine is expected to make a full recovery because she is a mother of young children.
Catherine might have the luxury of taking it easy, but Charles is so tireless that he immediately returned to work as he walked out of hospital. That work involved waving at a camera and smiling, but that is the one requirement of his job so I think it’s impressive.
Charles had a chauffeur-driven car waiting for him, which is a service I hope we don’t offer to everyone because it would be a horrible waste of money. Don’t get me wrong, everyone deserves the best possible care to minimise their suffering, unless they are working class, in which case, fuck them. They can take the bus home and stop complaining. We’ve been more than generous patching up their broken leg without charging them.
Why aren’t we charging them anyway? It’s not like they ever show gratitude, is it?
The government generously added 5,000 new NHS beds and the public didn’t even show gratitude, just because the Tories had previously got rid of 25,000 beds. Apparently, this means we’re down by 20,000 and this is why poor people don’t understand economics, because I can assure you that Tory donors are up by quite a few quid.
Why do you think we defunded your NHS and clapped for the staff whose strikes we blamed for the operations that were cancelled before the strikes? It’s because we think you’re gullible idiots, and even if you don’t vote Tory next time, we’ve got a secret weapon in the Labour Party called a “Wes Streeting”.
Either way, you’re fucked and so is your NHS x
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Absolutely on the money as always.
Noam Chomsky summarised the process rather succinctly: defund, demoralise - then privatise.
Wes Streeting is already preparing the ground work for the lucrative contracts to be issued to his cronies.
Meanwhile, the U.K. fell to its lowest ever ranking in the world corruption index (behind Hong Kong and Uruguay).
I had the pleasure of attending accident & emergency last week with my elderly father. My local football team is one of the best supported teams in the country. But it can't come close to the crowds in A&E departments. The A&E crowd are also louder than my teams fans. I didn't realise how well supported my local A&E department was, until I attended myself last week. Unlike football hooligans who need copious amounts of alcohol & Cocaine to fuel their passion. In A&E the fans there just need the time it takes to see a doctor for them to turn into raving lunatics. My father got the joyus news he hasn't got long left to live. His response was Thank Fuck I'll never have to wait in this shit hole ever again. After being a proud servicemen who served his country in a forgotten Suez escapade. He left the military & worked until his retirement. Contributing a staggering amount of money to his beloved country in taxes over those decades. His reward is to be happy he won't have to put up with living here for much longer. For alm he is 89 yes old he still has the energy to say he'd love nothing more than to give some inbred German freak who loves to talk to plants a good kicking. For being an arrogant parasite who talks shit all the time. He said he's talking to plants is the best fertilizer anyone could give them. But it doesn't work with old soldiers.