Elon Musk wants Nigel Farage and Tommy Robinson to run the UK

It would truly be a dream team...

Elon Musk has caused mass confusion by wading into British politics, saying things the various political factions agree and disagree with, leaving him in no man’s land.

Before we go further, you should know the Twitter owner now wants to be known as “Kekius Maximus” and it would be unfair to dead-name him, just like it would be unfair to dead-name his social media app.

Elon was asked by one of the Twitter bots if King Charles should dissolve the British parliament and call an election. The 53-year-old teenager pulled himself away from his webcam girl for long enough to type “yes” before returning his attention to boobs.

This was confusing because we are supposed to be against foreign unelected bureaucrats undermining our sovereignty, yet here was a foreign unelected bureaucrat telling our unelected German monarch to overrule our elected bureaucrats, just because they’re fucking useless.

I can only assume the self-made emerald mine heir was impressed with Charles’ dazzling fancy dress outfits and the jewels that his family were entitled to steal from foreign lands, due to their magic bloodline that includes Nazis, paedophiles and inbreds.

Musk is so determined to defeat grooming gangs that he is willing to align himself with the brother of a nonce to take them on. That’s how strong his convictions are. Talking of convictions, Elon is determined to overturn Stephen Yaxley-Lennon’s, I mean Tommy Robinson’s conviction, but I’ll get to that later…

Yesterday, Elon ended up in a slanging match with Wes Streeting, one of the few people in the UK who is hated as badly as he is. Cue a chorus of “I want them both to lose!” Wes said Elon needs to do more to tackle child sexual exploitation online, but Elon explained he wants to use child sexual exploitation to score points against Labour.

I must admit it was strange to see two men who agree on almost everything at each other’s throats. If they could stop using an emotive issue to score political points, I’m sure they could find common ground, such as their shared love for NHS privatisation. Aligning with corrupt billionaires is supposed to be Labour’s thing…

Centrists can’t criticise Musk on valid grounds because they too want to privatise everything and exploit the shit out of the working class. They’re therefore pretending Elon wants to help Putin take over the UK when the reality is he wants Farage to make it mandatory to like his tweets.

Elon might not be perfect, but the galaxy brain is worth listening to because he is so smart, he made billions by passing off other people’s ideas as his own and inventing things that have already been invented. Who should advise us on how to run our country, if not the guy who is running Twitter into the ground?

Elon explained his issue with the British government is that “rape gangs were allowed to exploit young girls without facing justice” when Starmer was director of public prosecutions. Thankfully, he didn’t mention Sir Jimmy Saville. It’s bad enough that we knighted a useless dickhead, we don’t want to emphasise that we’ve also knighted paedos, fucking loads of them as it happens.

Elon is taking a passionate stand against Asian grooming gangs and most of us agree paedos are bad, regardless of their ethnicity or status in society. Problem is Elon says things that piss off various political factions and says other things to win them back over.

The result is that everyone is so confused, they’ve all decided to hate Elon, apart from the weird nerds who would wank him off for a free Tesla truck. I’m definitely not one of those… What you looking at me like that for?

The problem Musk has is that many of his fellow fascists see him as a woke fascist because of his love for H1B so they’re turning against him. Musk hates foreigners as much as his fans do, unless he can bring them into the US and exploit them for cheap labour.

Elon pissed off his own fans with the H1B visa thing, he pissed off centrists by criticising the least popular prime minister we’ve ever had, and he pissed off socialists because those weirdos are driven by principles. No group is more confused than lefties as Elon makes comments like “Jess Phillips deserves to be in prison” and “The people of Britain have had enough of a tyrannical police state.” Imagine preaching to a choir that thinks you’re a dickhead...

Sadly, few are listening to Elon because we were already living in a tyrannical police state during the Tories’ reign and we’ll definitely have one with Reform in charge. I guess the real argument now is which type of tyrannical police state we should have. Elon wants the one that is least likely to censor Twitter and most likely to reduce his tax bill.

Elon can’t admit to that so he’s made grooming gangs his thing, unaware he is fighting a losing battle. He doesn’t understand most politicians are in a difficult position because their friends have been involved in paedophilia. Last thing they’d want to do is investigate their mates. Similarly, the last thing the king would want to do is investigate his brother.

We all know the British government has been useless on grooming gangs for a long time. It’s not that long ago the Tories mysteriously lost all records relating to the paedophile ring in the Conservative Party. Thankfully, destroying evidence is fine when the white kind of people do it…

Elon is determined to present himself as the voice of sanity, the moderate guy who cheerleads for… Tommy Robinson. For the benefit of my American fans, Tommy is considered moderate by the farthest right 5% of the UK population (my faction) and no one else.

Little Tommy has always been a controversial figure in the UK, but he warmed himself to many when he kicked a police officer in the head. Sadly, he lost fans by gambling away the hundreds of thousands of pounds he received from divorced dads who loved him more than their own kids.

Child protector Elon initially sided with Tommy after mistaking him for a ten-year-old because he is the size of one. When he discovered Tommy’s real age, he was confused, but stayed on his side when told Tommy shared his hatred of grooming gangs.

Elon was unaware little Tommy was not convicted of defending kids from rapists, he was convicted of breaching an injunction by making false allegations against a child.

Worryingly, Elon praised Tommy’s documentary that libelled the schoolboy because he was so concerned about child safety. He used his Twitter platform to call for the release of little Tommy, arguing he is guilty only of telling the truth to protect children… by libelling a child.

Sensibly, Elon thinks we should not have an independent judiciary: foreign billionaires like him should be able to blackmail our country into releasing convicts.

Elon has argued the US should exert economic pressure (sanctions?) until we release Tommy from prison. If we refuse, the US could get very concerned about the human rights situation and declare Juan Guaido our rightful leader.

While it’s great to see that Elon cares about a fellow child protector, Nigel Farage has tried to distance himself from Tommy because there is only room for one intellectual heavyweight in far-right politics.

If you didn’t know, Elon is keen to buy the next UK election for Farage because he is the only person with the selfless attitude and commitment to public service to fill the shoes of Liz Truss. I’m not sure if Nigel would look good in heels, but I definitely think he should give it a go.

Elon hopes his two British puppets can resolve their differences and Tommy can become an unelected bureaucrat in a Farage government. He could be the UK’s Elon because the pair are virtually indistinguishable at this point x

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