FBI announces Prince Andrew is "no longer a paedophile" as Epstein investigation concludes
Air Miles Andy is a free man!
The FBI has concluded its investigation into Prince Andrew's association with Jeffrey Epstein and announced it no longer considers him a paedophile. This is because the FBI was unable to obtain evidence, aside from the pictures of Andrew groping a teenage girl who was later murdered, and all the footage they found in Epstein's safe, and all the testimony from his victims.
Oh, and the email Andrew sent Jeffrey two months after their friendship ended, saying: "Keep in close touch and we’ll play some more soon". Oh, and the letter Andrew sent Jeffrey the same day the Giuffre photo emerged. Aside from all that, the FBI found nothing at all!
As you can see, this was the most thorough and credible investigation in human history and it has exonerated all of the world's most powerful people. Donald Trump, the president who boasted of walking into the dressing room of teenage girls, was also exonerated. It has been a good week for the Epstein Islanders.
Prince Andrew is hugely relieved that he is no longer a paedophile and is free to travel abroad, a privilege not even King Benjamin has. I understand Andrew's first flight will be a nostalgic trip to Epstein Island to catch up with his old friend who is enjoying a quiet retirement, I mean suicide.
His Royal Highness used to be known as "Air Miles Andy" due to his frequent globe trotting, but it's unclear if those days are behind him. It's unclear where else he would even be welcome. Perhaps Israel because it seems to be a haven for his kind. I suspect someone will be sticking his hand on a fucking wall, sometime in the near future.
Incidentally, Andrew made a speech in which he thanked Israel for exonerating him and reminded everyone the genocidal settler-colony has every right to defend itself. He also thanked Pam Bondi for losing the Epstein client list.
Prince Andrew no longer regrets his association with Jeffrey Epstein who was also totally innocent. The only guilty party in all of this is Ghislaine Maxwell, so fuck her. If throwing one woman under a bus means our prince is free to do his princely things, so be it.
His Royal Highness is clearly the victim of this whole sorry affair and I only hope he can somehow rebuild his life with millions of pounds of your money in the many castles he was given because he has magic blood that makes him better than you.
Perhaps the saddest part of this story is that Andrew will never get a refund of the £13 million that he paid a woman he had never met for no apparent reason. This is because he got impatient and murdered her before the investigation had concluded. If only he'd waited a few more months, poor thing. At least we can say justice has been partially done.
Perhaps one day, deceased family friend Sir Jimmy Saville can be posthumously pardoned and you lot can stop telling the truth about Lord Mountbatten. Perhaps, one day William and Harry will trust Andrew with babysitting duty again. Okay, that last one might be going a bit far x
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I wonder how people in other parts of the world are taking this. Americans are absolutely infuriated and it's causing a big shift and a major amount of disgust about our current commander-in-chief. Expect a false flag/major event to occur to distract the populace and get them to forget all about this piddly little matter.
I wonder if the FBI thought about interviewing Miss Maxwell before she suicides.