French ask "Charles III do you know the guillotine?"

Sadly Charles had to cancel his pizza party with Emmanuel

Our new king has sadly been forced to cancel his royal visit to France due to concerns he was going to get the Louis XVI 1792 treatment. Obviously, working class people in the UK definitely did not want this to happen and were hugely concerned about the safety of the man who snarls at his servants.

During protests described as “riots” and “increasingly violent” because police have battered peaceful protesters and caused people to kick off, a wall was daubed with the words "Charles III do you know the guillotine?" At this point, shares in guillotine manufacturers started to soar because capitalists will sell you anything, even if it’s likely to kill them. They just can’t help themselves.

French President Emmanuel Macron wanted to have a lavish state banquet with King Charles III to show workers angry at pensions being “reformed” without their consent that he is just like them. (I think he was going to order a Domino’s.)

Sadly, the pizza party with King Charles had to be cancelled after someone in France showed Emmanuel a history book. Apparently, the state banquet was due to take place at the Palace of Versailles, but there were fears that its links to the revolt against Louis XVI could inspire the beheading of another king.

Emmanuel said it was “common sense” that the royal visit was cancelled because the French protests are now so brutally repressed that if this was in Latin America, western countries would be imposing sanctions. French police have explained their violence is necessary because the “far left” want to kill them, and so far a staggering zero police officers have been killed so their response is definitely proportionate to the imagined threat.

So many people are protesting in France that it seems over half the country is “far left” because that’s how many people oppose pensions reform. A whopping 3.5 million people were out protesting in a single day and if that many people in your country are super angry at your leader, that’s definitely not the fault of the leader.

Emmanuel said that King Charles will be invited to France this summer, assuming he has not received the King Louis treatment himself by then. He also said that it would be better if the Queen Consort stayed at home because she is really fucking annoying.

King Charles was really sad though and said he wanted the royal visit to take place before his coronation because France means so much to him. To be honest, it’s rather embarrassing that our new king loves the country we scream at whenever a refugee reaches our shores, but what can you do? Boris Johnson wanted to declare war on France a couple of years ago, but today we’re pretending to like them again so let’s just forget that ever happened, okay?

You will be pleased to know King Charles will still be visiting Germany next week so that’s another European country we have to pretend we like now. It’s really awkward that we’re suddenly best friends with all the countries that stole our sovereignty and our bendy bananas, isn’t it?

The decision to postpone the royal visit has been described as “unprecedented” and if the second revolution gets going, Emmanuel could soon be “un-presidented.” French cities have been burning because the French really said that if you force us to work until 64 and send police to batter us, we’re burning this shit to the ground. A group of “Black Bloc anarchists” (paid instigators) smashed shop windows and even ransacked a McDonald's restaurant because let’s be honest, no one gives a shit about McDonald’s or even considers it a restaurant. Now if it was a Nando’s, that would be a whole different matter.

Refuse has been left uncollected in Paris since 6th March, leaving the place smelling like a beach in the UK, and energy workers keep cutting the electricity. Emmanuel has explained this is all the fault of trade unions because the people who didn’t want the pensions age to be raised are definitely the reason the pensions age is being raised. Obviously, this logic makes total sense.

All Emmanuel did was force through a major change without the consent of the French parliament and brutally repress the French public and people are acting like he is some kind of brutal dictator. This is clearly ridiculous because dictators only exist in countries we don’t like that are rich in fossil fuels.

Fortunately, British people are far too passive to behave like the French and have confirmed we will happily work until 102 and politely thank the police whenever they beat us up. In other news, the UK government has announced plans to disperse tear gas whenever food banks get too crowded x

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