Elon says he was happy to work for paedo until the government contracts dried up

It's good to see a man with principles...

There are some breakups no one wanted to see, but the one that surely topped the list was Donald and Elon. Devastatingly, every weird incel's favourite power couple fell out yesterday, and being the mature, responsible adults they are, they took their row to social media.

While their row was painful to witness, at least they handled things in the most dignified manner possible, and for that reason, I am proud of them.

Please don't expect anything resembling an organised version of events here because I spent a couple of hours away from the internet (for the first time ever) and when I came back, I had missed it all, but the aftermath left me as traumatised as anyone who witnessed things unfold.

From what I've gathered, it went something like this: Elon was whining about Trump's tax bill, and Trump said he was "disappointed" in Elon and this might be the "end of their great relationship", a relationship which has involved Elon getting high on ketamine and defunding everything needed to keep America's lights on.

Overcome with emotion, Elon crossed a line and pointed out that he bought the last election for Trump. What makes America great is that everything is for sale, including elections, but you're not supposed to say that out loud!

You're supposed to pretend the US is a democracy, but Elon admitted that without his $290 million investment, Trump would have lost, and the other evil would have won, meaning everything would have been exactly the same.

Shockingly, Elon was not done criticising Trump's tax and spending bill and he called it a "disgusting abomination". He insisted everyone who voted for it knew they did wrong. Obviously, the only things politicians are allowed to spend money on are hookers and Israel.

Trump pointed out Elon was not actually upset about the tax and spending, he was upset that Trump removed subsidies for his Tesla cars, meaning he was not getting the promised return on his investment.

The way US politics is supposed to work is that a rich person gives a politician money and the politician gives the rich person whatever they want. However, Elon did not realise Trump is an even bigger con man than he is.

Elon was so upset by the betrayal, he called for a new political party that would be somewhere in the middle and also to the right of Trump. The mind boggles.

Elon called on Trump to resign and said his bill would cause a worldwide recession, but that wasn't his biggest announcement, not by a long shot.

Elon drew audible gasps by revealing the reason the Epstein files have not been released is that Trump is in them. At this point, Trump called for someone to come and change his adult diaper (that's the American word for nappy).

Elon explained that while he was happy to work for a president he knew was a paedophile, and cover for him while he was getting government contracts, the moment those contracts dried up, he took a principled stand against paedophilia.

You are no doubt concerned what this principled stand means for Elon's finances, now that his welfare cheques have stopped, but there is no need to worry. As a wealth creator, Elon is ideologically opposed to state handouts and he is going to pull himself up by his bootstraps. He will be fine, assuming he does not get suicided next week x

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