Thursday October 20, 2022
I must bring you the sad news that the Trussbot has finally been deactivated and thrown onto the scrap heap. Sorry, that was insensitive of me. She has been sent to live on a farm where she will have lots of robot friends and she can happily live out her days with sunshine and rainbows. I bet you feel better now, don't you?
Given that Truss lasted just 44 days which is the same length of time as David Blaine lasted in the glass box, I think this probably means the ERG's brand of free-market libertarianism is dead forever. Heartbreaking.
Perhaps the most painful part of this process is that the lettuce (the candidate for the anti-growth coalition) outlasted her. The fucking lettuce.
After the carnage of last night which involved sacking the home secretary, watching her chief whip resign and unresign, and everyone having a massive scrap in the lobby because Therese had been dishing out drugs again, Liz sadly had no choice but to resign. Especially when she accidentally voted no confidence in herself because she was too busy wrestling with Wendy Morton and missed the vote.
I understand Truss and Morton were going to be facing disciplinary action from the chief whip, which is Morton, because they defied Truss's three-line whip by missing the fracking vote. This was clearly an unforgivable error, but now the Trussbot is going, I think the least we can do is celebrate her many achievements.
She gave us the shortest serving chancellor and the shortest serving home secretary for about 100 years, she was forced into a humiliating U-turn on the 45p tax rate, she had the worst ratings of any prime minister since ratings began, her minus 70 approval rivalled Vladimir Putin, she shorted the pound every time she spoke, she forced up interest rates and she helped Kwasi Kwarteng's best mate make a fucking killing betting against the pound. According to her aides, she also kept pretending that her relatives had died to avoid TV appearances.
Oh and I nearly forgot, she killed the queen with a deadly handshake on her first day on the job. This really was a sign of things to come, wasn't it?
Say what you want about Liz, but she has clearly resigned in the most dignified manner possible, minimising damage to her party and the country. I'm hearing that self-confessed drug dealer Therese Coffey could be the lady to take over from her and she would be a brilliant choice.
After David Cameron, Theresa May, Boris Johnson and Liz Truss, you could be forgiven for thinking the Tories could never find someone to keep up their pattern of installing the worst PM ever, but I think they might just pull this off. Obviously, we have no need for a general election because everything is totally fine x
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