IDF investigation confirms hospital blown up by meteorite
This is the most convincing explanation they've ever come up with
After a lengthy investigation which lasted 37 minutes, the Israel Defence Forces have established the Al-Ahli Arabi Baptist hospital was blown up by a wayward meteorite. The BBC was immediately able to establish the meteorite was sent off course by known terrorist Jeremy Corbyn. There was a ridiculous conspiracy theory flying around that Israel might have done it, but that conspiracy theory has been debunked by Israel who have no incentive to lie and have never lied about things like the murder of Shireen Abu Akleh.
A particularly disciplined IDF spokesperson, who managed to resist saying “we are at war with all Palestinians” for a change, explained:
“Just because we said we were going to bomb hospitals and ordered the hospitals to evacuate and bombed a bunch of other hospitals and medical centres and ambulances and medical workers and everything else in Gaza, and we have Gaza under an illegal siege and we said we were going to burn every building to the ground, does not mean we bombed this hospital that we told to evacuate in case we bombed it. It could have been a misfired Hamas rocket, or it could have come from that other Palestinian group, but they don’t have rockets this big, which is why we’ve settled on the meteorite story. This story is totally legit, okay?”
I must say this is easily the most convincing story I’ve heard since the beheaded babies story which was also totally not made up. Now that the truth has been clarified, social media companies have been removing claims Israel did what it said it was going to do because they’re obviously fake news.
The IDF has put to rest several other conspiracy theories by explaining the Rafah crossing point suffered a gas leak (twice), three refugee camps were struck by F5 tornados, that convoy of women and children drove over an erupting volcano, and in a remarkable coincidence, 2,800 civilians were struck by lightning bolts in the space of ten days. All videos of Israeli soldiers and politicians boasting of the killing rampage were deep fakes created by Humza Yousaf’s wife. She has been sent to Rwanda with Jeremy Corbyn.
British politicians are relieved they’re off the hook for endorsing another war crime after mindlessly saying “Israel has a right to defend itself” and backtracking by pretending the hospital mysteriously exploded itself. Thanks to science, we now have an explanation that sounds like it wasn’t pulled out of Netanyahu’s arse.
This new explanation has proven awkward for Suella Braverman who had demanded Israel step up its hospital bombing campaign because the explosions got her more excited than Peter Bone when he’s indecently exposing himself to his aides. Hopefully, Suella can be let off with a six-week suspension too.
Although the IDF’s latest factual story of true facts was met with scepticism by 96% of the internet, you can rest assured the ones who believe it are definitely the most intelligent and least racist out there. This is why I’m glad that all of our political parties are pandering to this mob x
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A meteorite? Oh, that explains it! I was worried for a minute that it might be the IDF. What a relief!
This is one of those times when I wish that the 'like' symbol was not a 'heart', because so few 'people' involved in these crimes against ALL of humanity seem to have one.
Thanks, Laura.