Iran plotting unprovoked attack on country that bombed its embassy
Iran plotting unprovoked attack on country that bombed its embassy
This would be a huge act of aggression
There is outrage in the west that Iran might be planning an unprovoked attack against Israel after the IDF bombed its consulate building in Damascus on April 1, killing two generals and five soldiers. Tensions have been high since Iran refused to apologise for overreacting to Israel’s April Fools' prank.
Ayatollah Ali Khamenei outrageously suggested Israel “must be punished” for what was basically an elaborate joke. Clearly, he is unaware the US version of international law states it’s illegal to punish Israel for breaking international law. Thankfully, the US is taking no nonsense.
Acting US President Anthony Blinken explained: “AIPAC told me to say the revenge attack that has not happened is an unwarranted escalation from Iran that risks destabilising the region.”
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said: “The moment the fighting stops, my political career is over and I’m probably going to jail. Therefore, the best thing I can do is start a war with Iran to stop Iran from starting a war with us.”
Obviously, war with Iran would be the sensible option because it should keep Benjamin Netanyahu’s political career alive at the small cost of millions of innocent lives and the collapse of the global economy.
A spokesperson for Blackrock said: “Worldwide economic collapse would present us with lots of unique and interesting business opportunities”. Anyone who doesn’t want Blackrock to have unique and interesting business opportunities is clearly an extremist.
Iran insists it's looking for a political alternative to a military response, but I’m told it mocked up images of a missile strike against Haifa International Airport. The Vienna Convention of 1969 states nations must not share memes that scare Israel on social media, but it says nothing about attacking embassies so we all know who the real aggressor is.
Israel, the innocent victim, said it’s worried Iran might not attack, but if it doesn’t, Israel will probably bomb another five countries in the region because it doesn’t know what to do with all the bombs America keeps giving it.
The last thing Israel would want is for its neighbours to destabilise the region by objecting to being bombed, but that is exactly what has been happening. Some have even showed footage of Israel bombing aid workers on social media and aggressively pleaded: “Please stop doing this”.
It seems everyone is objecting to Israel’s proportionate extermination of the Palestinian people and its diplomatic missile strikes against its neighbours.
Thankfully, Germany is showing genocidal solidarity and banning anyone who talks about Israel’s blood rage from entering its country. I understand it’s even considering the possibility of putting Israel’s critics into concentration camps to absolve itself of guilt over the last time it did that sort of thing.
It's good to know that whatever happens next, Germany will be on the right side of a world war for a change x
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Brilliant satire! I think we all need a bit of gallows humour before WW3 begins.
It gets better Laura. You may not know this, but Canada’s embassy in Damascus is next door to the Iranian embassy! It was damaged (don’t know the extent) by the Israeli attack on Iran’s embassy but, thankfully, we hear nothing (I mean nothing) from the Canadian government about the damage. They could have blown it to smithereens and the Canadian government would still simply sit with law up waiting for a pat on the head from master Biden/Blinken. One could say Canada provoked Israel by having its embassy next to Iran’s.