Israel declares war on Belgium because it funded an aid agency

This is a clear act of self-defence

Following the refusal to defund UNRWA to collectively punish Palestinians for the ICJ coming to the wrong decision, Israel has taken the necessary action of declaring war on Belgium.

In a clear act of terrorism, Belgium decided to continue funding UNRWA so that Palestinians could get the aid they so desperately need to stay alive. This left Israel no choice but to blow up the Belgian Agency for Development Aid (Enabel), turning it into a pile of rubble in self-defence.

I’m told the building contained a devastating arsenal of bandages and medicines as well as food and even water. Several pristine copies of Mein Kampf were retrieved from the rubble by the IDF. It remains unclear if the teleporting Hamas megabase was under the building at the time of the attack, but either way, that building was Hamas and so is Belgium.

A spokesperson for Israel said: “Yes, we destroyed their humanitarian aid agency. What’s the big deal anyway? We’ve already destroyed 75,000 buildings. What difference does one more make?”

Americans were understandably thrilled that one of their bombs has destroyed the Enabel building. One man, who was naked apart from his AR-15 and confederate flag underpants, said: “I can’t have healthcare so I don’t see why Palestinians should have healthcare. I’m glad my tax dollars are being spent on something useful.” He then shot three people who were campaigning for Medicare for All. It’s patriots like this who will help us win World War III which is starting next Tuesday.

Belgium had summoned the Israeli ambassador to demand answers, but I understand she fled the country because she doesn’t want to be around when the nukes arrive. Belgium is about to get the Gaza treatment with the full support of its allies: the Axis of Genocide.

President of the Axis, Joe Biden, said: “Israel has a right to defend itself from humanitarian aid agencies and chocolate manufacturers.” The world marvelled at the fact Biden was able to pull off multisyllabic words, even if we did need subtitles to understand them.

There was concern that radioactive ash could drift from Belgium onto Germany, a key member of the Axis of Genocide. Fortunately, Germany has apologised in advance for anyone who might embarrass Israel by coming down with radiation sickness. A spokesperson told Israel: “If you want to nuke us too, we will understand.”

I understand Israel is weighing up its options, having revealed that Hamas has a network of tunnels under the Hague, because it’s unsure it has enough nukes to take out the Netherlands, Belgium and Germany. Germany has promised to keep battering the shit out of peace protesters if Israel agrees to spare it from the apocalypse.

Netanyahu has rejected claims he is dangerously out of control and explained his next target for a ground invasion is actually not in Europe. It’s Rafah at the Egyptian border where most of the Gazans who miraculously haven’t been blown up are hiding. It’s hoped this move will finish them off once and for all.

The rest of the Gaza strip is now 8 million tons of rubble that experts say will take three years to clear, posing problems for the Israeli settlers who had their hearts set on moving in. The UK has already sent a message of support to those heartbroken settlers and made it a hate crime to mock them online. Colonisers need to stand together during the end times.

While the last remaining Gazans are exterminated at Rafah, Israel’s nuclear submarines are tasked with taking out the Hague and Brussels in a glorious flash of light. The last thing the world needs is an International Court of Justice and a city that makes delicious chocolate x

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