Israel furious after cancelling Bob Vylan, only for them to top the charts

How dare they refuse to be cancelled

Israel is furious after it ordered the cancellation of punk act Bob Vylan, only for the controversial duo rise to the top of the Hip Hop and R n B album charts.

Israel has a proud tradition of getting anyone who disagrees with Israel cancelled, from famous actors and musicians to journalists and TV hosts and even politicians. Everyone who has challenged Israel has found themselves jobless, until now...

We had hoped the tyranny of Bob Vylan was over after their US visas were cancelled and they were dropped from the Radar festival at the request of wanted war criminals, but sadly not.

Outrageously, Bob Vylan now has three albums in the top ten and I've not listened to a single one (in case I like them), but I know they're all garbage. Andrew Neil said so and Andrew Neil knows what is cool.

All I can say is home secretary Yvette Cooper has an awful lot to answer for. While she has been careful to ensure 83-year-old reverends are classed as terrorists, she forgot to proscribe punk musicians who aren't pro-establishment. No real punk act would ever upset the establishment.

Thankfully, the BBC has learned its lesson after broadcasting Bob Vylan's hateful outburst live. Going forward, it will only show culturally relevant acts such as Madonna, Nick Cave, and Eden Golan. It was considering allowing Thom Yorke, but he was deemed too boring, even for the BBC. We can all agree that's fair enough.

Bob Vylan caused outrage last week when they led chants of "death, death to the IDF" at Glastonbury. A distraught Lisa Nandy said it was racist to oppose the genocidal army because Israel has conscription. She explained wishing death upon the IDF is equivalent to wishing death upon children, an argument she has strangely never made for Russians. Israeli child soldiers have every right to say they were "just following orders".

The difference between Israeli conscripts and Russian conscripts is that Russians are snarling savages whereas Israelis are cuddly teddy bears who rape their prisoners to death and bury ambulance crews in mass graves.

The Israeli-Jewish population is so progressive that 82% feel "there are no innocents in Gaza", according to polling data. If these teddy bears get conscripted and hollow out the heads of little girls, it's wrong for Palestinians to defend themselves. If someone did this to your little girl, you would agree the IDF is the "world's most moral army", wouldn't you?

The only reasonable course of action here is to proscribe Bob Vylan so we can jail not only them, but all of their fans. We do have millions of spare prison cells, don't we? x

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