Israel has a right to defend itself against peace talks that were about to succeed

Can you think of anything worse than peace?

Due to concerns that peace talks between Iran and the US were about to succeed, Israel was left with no choice but to bomb Iran in self-defence. Iran is now expected to launch a totally unprovoked counter-attack which is definitely not what Israel wanted.

Israel's "pre-emptive" terror attack murdered civilians in apartment buildings across Iran, and it might have also killed one or two scientists and military leaders. The important thing is it got its real target: the civilians.

Israel has refuted the claim that its terror attack achieved nothing other than infuriating Iran, reminding us it has dragged the US and UK into another needless war in the Middle East. Israel is good at that sort of thing.

You will be reassured to hear that the American and British militaries are preparing to defend Israeli airspace. Our leaders were unable to think of an alternative approach such as letting Israel fight its own fucking war. This is because they were worried about further Epstein leaks. Aren't we all?

Israel reminded us that it would be illegal and unacceptable for Iran to obtain a nuclear weapon. Israel is the only democracy in the Middle East that can have illegal nukes. Presumably, this is why Israel never stops bombing all of its neighbours with American bombs. Americans think paying for Israel's bombs is much better than having healthcare.

As the IDF is only good at fighting women and children, it would obviously last about 30 seconds fighting its own war - and that would be a bad thing, apparently. The US and UK fighting a war for Israel is a much better solution.

War is about to bring an end to trade through the Red Sea and devastate the global oil trade, so when your bills skyrocket and you become homeless, just remember to blame Iran for making Israel do this, okay? x

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