Israel says decapitated babies are no longer reason to respond with genocide

It's different when they do the decapitating

Israel has suddenly decided that decapitated babies are not justification to commit a retaliatory genocide after it decapitated babies by dropping 8 one-ton bombs on tents in a refugee camp, and bombed the Kuwaiti hospital to take it out of operation before the survivors could be taken there.

The May 26th massacre was so shocking in its brutality that Israel’s closest allies have condemned the International Criminal Court.

As footage of distraught fathers holding their headless babies before a fiery inferno emerged on social media, Israelis celebrated May 26th and gloated about the death and destruction because it’s only bad to celebrate massacres when Hamas does them. None of the Israelis have been banned from social media, but Mark Zuckerberg has given the IDF the IP address of everyone who has expressed sympathy for the victims.

You will be pleased to hear western journalists have taken it upon themselves to overrule the world’s highest court and confirm those were “legally killed children” because the correct paperwork was filled out. They are now performing impressive verbal gymnastics to dehumanise children being decapitated or burnt alive so you don’t feel excessive sympathy. I understand they are ready to report on a scientific study which has concluded Palestinian children don’t feel pain and their babies are born evil.

To pander to the snowflakes who still treat Palestinians as human, world leaders have feigned anger towards their biggest donor.

President Biden angrily wagged his finger and said if this continues, he might send Benjamin to bed without any supper. The president said he is disappointed Bibi did this with the bombs he gave him because he thought he was grown up enough to play with matches safely. Sensibly, the president has confirmed he won’t be stopping Bibi’s $3.8 billion pocket money because he’s sure the 74-year-old war criminal has learnt his lesson.

Belgium’s leaders have gone a step further than the US president and decided to ground Bibi, stopping his supply of weapons now the genocide can be considered a success.

To prove it’s taking the matter seriously, genocide pioneer Germany has called on the IDF to investigate itself to increase the likelihood of it being found not guilty. Impressively, the investigation is well underway and Israel has already established the following:

“It was a failed Hamas rocket attack, no, wait, it was us, but it was a precision-strike led by intelligence, targeting two senior Hamas figures in a sea of tents where 100,000 human shields were taking refuge because we ordered them to go there. How were we supposed to know there would be so many casualties?

“Hamas set us up by leaving a car filled with explosives in the refugee camp we decided to bomb because it was a legitimate military target under international law. By the way, those ‘explosives’ in the car are sometimes known as a ‘fuel tank’. Do you condemn fuel tanks? What about tents? If the people weren’t inside tents, they wouldn’t have been trapped, would they?

“Anyways, we’ve totally learnt our lesson after our little whoopsie and this is why we’re considering a bill to label Unrwa a terrorist organisation.”

I’m told Netanyahu is preparing his legal defence in case the IDF report is rejected and he doesn’t succeed in making the ICC judges fall out of windows. His cover involves getting Haaretz to do a report blaming the rogue soldiers he’s called the “world’s most moral army” for the last seven months. It turns out all the terrible things they never did were done without his authorisation and he had no idea the things we saw live-streamed were even happening.

As leader, it was not Netanyahu’s role to know what his soldiers were doing or take action to stop them, and failure to take action is definitely not an act of genocide. The legal experts on Twitter believe this is a robust defence, but if it somehow fails, we can just remind everyone Hamas beheaded babies, even though it didn't. Israel did.

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