Israelis have suddenly discovered that bombing hospitals is wrong

This is awkward...

Deeply distressing scenes are coming out of Tel Aviv as Israel's second city starts to closely resemble Gaza. The hypersonic missiles have arrived and all the fantasies of Iran running low on missiles seem a tiny bit delusional.

Unfortunately, we don't do journalism in the west so we shared Israel's delusions with you as fact. We wanted you to believe this will be one of those straightforward Middle Eastern wars that always work out so well... like you are a fucking goldfish. Sadly, things are not going so well...

Iran has unveiled giant invisible space missiles that rain down multiple smaller missiles at hypersonic speed, and those primitive desert dwellers weren't supposed to be capable of this sort of thing! What the fuck is happening?

In one chilling attack, a hospital was hit by a large explosion and there was a substantial number of casualties, according to the Likud-run health ministry.

Needless to say, the people who repeatedly bombed 36 hospitals are outraged by this, um, outrage. Israel's moral guardians, such as defence minister Israel Katz, have explained that bombing a hospital is a "war crime" in a very much unexpected confession.

While we are allowed to concede that Israel is taking a hammering, we are not allowed to mention that Iran struck military infrastructure in the building next to the hospital. We are not allowed to mention that footage showed the hospital was overrun with Israeli soldiers. These sort of justifications are only acceptable when Israel uses them.

If you thought the hospital bombing was bad, it somehow gets even worse: Iran has struck Israel's holiest site: the Tel Aviv stock exchange. Honestly, I can't stop Am Yisrael Crying.

The iron dome is so sick of Israel's shit, it quit on the spot and then decided to start backfiring. This means the iron dome is now Hamas and Israel is helpless.

A large number of high-rise buildings were destroyed throughout the night, but Iran justified its actions by saying that in each instance, an Israeli operative could have been inside. It thanked Israel for establishing this as a rule of war.

Israeli soldiers are now so scared, they are hiding in terror tunnels... I mean, um, bunkers. Unfortunately, many Israelis are now sleeping in tents after the homes they stole were destroyed.

Sensibly, Israelis have resorted to locking other Israelis out of bomb shelters so they remain comfortable. Turns out only those who made it into the bomb shelters are God's chosen people. What? You didn't expect Israelis to show compassion towards each other, did you???

Israelis are now taking such a hammering that many are saying they don't like being colonisers anymore and are rummaging through the rubble for their original passports so they can go home.

While the colonisers are fleeing in droves, British and American soldiers are preparing to do what they do best: die for Israel. We have seen footage of American troops being fed lobster like an inmate on death row. Thankfully, the crew of the USS Nimitz are blissfully unaware of the coming false flag, like a doggy heading for the vets to be put down.

We are reminded this war is not just about stopping Iran from having a nuke, it's also about liberating women and gay people, which is what we're going to do. By killing them with our woke bombs. If you don't support this, you must hate women and gay people as much as Donald Trump does.

The UK loves the women and gays of Iran so much, it is sending the Queen Elizabeth aircraft carrier through the Suez canal to join an illegal war of aggression without parliamentary approval. This action is justified because the people who gun down civilians in aid queues need our help.

Sir Keir Starmer has therefore asked Alistair Campbell to produce a dossier saying Iran can reach parliament with an ICBM in 45 minutes. The people of the UK are saying "if only"... I mean "oh no" x

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