Back in March 2022, Byline Times published a hit piece entitled “Laura Kuenssberg’s Time as BBC Political Editor has been a Catastrophic, Systemic Failure”.
For a long time, I’ve tried to ignore this painful piece, but it keeps reappearing in my mentions thanks to Twitter lefties, such as this unbearable troll called Marina Purkiss (if that’s her real name) who I understand is the only woman in the UK who has resisted the advances of Boris Johnson. That’s the type of sociopath we’re dealing with here.
If you’re unfamiliar with the “journalism” of Byline Times, they are a far-left outlet with a reputation for weaponising facts and publishing unauthorised truths. Frankly, they are a disgrace to propaganda.
Thanks to Byline Times, I’ve dealt with pile ons comparable to that time I QT’d “This is him here” about that father of a sick girl who confronted Boris Johnson – and undermined his concerns by labelling him an “activist”. Personally, I’m disgusted that Byline Times would encourage pile ons; those people have no class.
Anyways, today it’s my revenge and I’m finally going to respond to the author of the article, former BBC journalist Patrick Howse. He really has this coming…
Patrick opens his “article” with:
“Laura Kuenssberg’s tenure as the BBC’s political editor, beginning in July 2015 and ending in the coming weeks, was a catastrophe.”
Well, all I can say to that, Patrick, is we won two general elections during that period, one of them by a landslide, so I guess it was a catastrophe, for your side! My employers think I did a brilliant job and that’s why they gave me a Sunday morning show. It’s called “Sunday with Laura Kuenssberg” because it airs on Sundays and stars me, Laura Kuenssberg. You should watch it, I’m brilliant.
Patrick rambles:
“On her watch, lies were not just permitted, they were amplified and given credibility by Britain’s state broadcaster. At least partly as a result of this, the UK Government now routinely lies with impunity.”
That’s quite a charge, Patrick! Are you seriously suggesting that I pioneered political lying? Because I can assure you the Tories have been lying since the dawn of the empire when Jacob Rees-Mogg was still a lad. I just took the lying to an art form.
“I don’t hold Kuenssberg entirely responsible for this state of affairs – I think that BBC managers carry a large amount of the blame because they chose the wrong person, for the wrong job.”
Wrong person? Are you sure about that, Patrick? Because again, I won two elections, two! I’m the Tories’ Alistair Campbell or Chemical Ali and I can assure you my bosses are delighted with my performances.
You should have seen the parties we had in Downing Street to celebrate our victories. At one point, we lost Michael Gove under a mountain of white powder and a stripper had to fish him out…
“It began with the Leave campaign making lying a central part of its strategy during the Brexit referendum. The BBC’s response was to ‘balance’ these lies with information from the other side – rather than using their editorial judgement to call out when something was blatantly and dangerously false.”
Patrick, darling, are you saying I should have told people the NHS wasn’t getting £350 million a week? Are you saying I should have questioned the integrity of the Brexit bus? Are you saying I should have highlighted the £350 million figure was pulled out of Nigel Farage’s arse by Dominic Cummings? I think someone needs to respect “alternative facts”.
“Kuenssberg’s approach to the job complimented this. Access was crucial. She would ring up (or be rung) by the top people in the Leave campaign, get a response and get on air.”
I’m sorry, Patrick, but I'm afraid this is bollocks! I was never “rung” by anyone. We had a Whatsapp group where Dominic issued instructions to the A-team. Remember those coordinated tweets that Tory MPs would copy and paste and forget to change the wording? Where do you think they were copying and pasting from?
“Kuenssberg also gave the impression that she was far more comfortable holding the opposition to account than the Government.”
THIS WAS LITERALLY MY FUCKING JOB, PATRICK!!! GOOD GRIEF!!!
Are you suggesting the opposition shouldn’t be held accountable for the failures of government? Are you suggesting I shouldn’t slander the leader of the opposition, like the time I broke impartiality rules by misrepresenting Corbyn’s views on shoot-to-kill?
If we criticised the Tories, they might not have won two elections and then our beaches wouldn't be covered in shit and our schools wouldn't be on the brink of collapse and we wouldn't have a plague ship. I did my job admirably.
“… she hit a particular low point when Cummings, at that time a chief aide to Prime Minister Boris Johnson, broke lockdown rules and drove hundreds of miles north – eventually ‘testing his eyesight’ by driving to Barnard Castle.
“… before most people had read it or even heard about it – Kuenssberg was tweeting Downing Street’s rebuttal.”
In journalism, this is called “balance”, or if you prefer, “impartiality”. When a Conservative is caught lying, it’s my job to relay their spin to the public, otherwise the public would only hear one side of the argument – the facts, and this wouldn’t be fair, would it? Even serial killers get defence lawyers...
“This was problematic, primarily because – for the first time in my lifetime – the Prime Minister and those around him lied unashamedly. And they lied, knowing that their dishonest version of events would be repeated by Kuenssberg.”
At this point, I would like to clarify the BBC takes truth telling very seriously. This is why we hired Marianna Spring as our “disinformation and social media correspondent”. Thankfully, Marianna never goes after people like me. She only targets social media users who disagree with the government and she does a brilliant job of savaging them.
It’s not the role of the Ministry of Truth to find the truth, it’s our job to reshape the truth.
“One experienced broadcaster described her as ‘a disgrace’, and accused her of ‘blatant anti-Corbyn bias’. Another very experienced journalist said that Kuenssberg was ‘not rated’ by her colleagues, and had built her role around just repeating ‘whatever Dominic Cummings told her’.”
Guilty as charged! Corbyn made my skin crawl! He was going to introduce a 50p tax rate for people like me and I couldn’t tell the public because they would have supported it. You’ve no idea how hard it was to counter Labour policy, but I could always rely on Dominic to point the way forward. The man truly has 20-20 vision.
“It should have been at least in part an analytical role, trusted to hold power to account. Yet, if the role had been conceived in this fashion, she would never have been awarded it in the first place.”
Why would the BBC hold the establishment to account when we are, and always have been, part of the establishment? You’re becoming incoherent now, Patrick.
“Britain’s wrecked political system is one of the consequences of their failure to see that our national broadcaster needed to challenge political liars, rather than to amplify them.”
Um, I’m pretty sure our “wrecked political system” is more to do with the fact rich people own our politicians than they hired me to trick stupid people into voting against their self-interest. I’m good, Patrick, sweetie, but I’m not that good x
Thank you so much for letting me vent! If you enjoyed this article, you can buy me a coffee below or simply share this article with a friend. It helps me more than you realise. Writing is my full-time job, meaning I am so broke and without this blog supplementing my income, I cannot pay the bills! x
This is so funny. Reading this after reading the original article is like having a brilliant meal and then burping it up and tasting it all again. 😁
The intrigue in British politics is worthy of a play. How about the Tories accuse our protagonist on dining with the devil and condemn her to burn for being a witch? However, she does not need a drunken suicidal ex-soldier to save her as she saves herself. This lady is truly is not for burning.