Morgan McSweeney searching for someone even less principled than Starmer to take over as prime minister

Shadow prime minister Morgan McSweeney has become so disillusioned with his choice of puppet prime minister, Keir Starmer, that he has finally decided to discard him. Alarm bells started ringing when Starmer’s approval ratings fell into Andrew Windsor territory, making the prime minister as unpopular as the world’s most famous paedophile.

Starmer’s lack of popularity is jeopardising plans to privatise the NHS and turn the UK into a mass surveillance state, powered by digital ID and digital currency. In the name of democracy, one unelected man will decide who takes over our country and forces through policies nobody voted for.

McSweeney is now frantically searching for someone even less principled than Starmer to become his puppet. Only one candidate springs to mind: