MPs furious UN has called out Israel's war crimes

Clearly, they must be Hamas supporters...

British MPs from across the political spectrum are furious with the United Nations for calling out Israel’s war crimes, a move which has undermined nearly a month of carefully considered genocide denial.

To make matters worse, the UN has voted to end the illegal blockade on Cuba because it thinks Cubans are human beings too. Honestly, colonisers aren’t allowed to do anything these days without the woke mob kicking up a fuss. The way they’re talking, you’d think Netanyahu had killed more civilians in three weeks than Putin has in almost two years, which he has.

Personally, I don’t understand why an organisation composed of nations who’ve almost all been colonised by Europeans at one time or another could be upset at the murderous behaviour of colonisers. Obviously, the nations on the right side of this argument are the ones who’ve done colonising themselves.

As we all know, the correct moral position is to call for a humanitarian pause so we can pretend we care when we’re actually eager for the slaughter to continue. It’s important to point out that anyone who wants a permanent humanitarian pause (or ceasefire) is racist.

Everyone knows it’s ridiculous to accuse Israel of the war crimes it’s been carrying out in broad daylight. I mean just because their former Public Diplomacy Minister tweeted: “Erase all of Gaza from the face of the earth,” does not mean Israel has bad intentions.

Clearly, the former minister was talking about people who live in Gaza, and as everyone knows, there are exemptions from war crimes when natives own the real estate you really want to get your hands on. (Those weren’t blast craters, by the way, they were digging the foundations for a new theme park.)

It has long been agreed that pointing out Israel is committing war crimes is a form of anti-Semitism and anyone who does this should be driven out of political life. This consensus has proven so successful it has enabled Israel to take 95% of Palestinian land while portraying itself as the victim. It has even stopped that monster Jeremy Corbyn becoming prime minister, saving me 2% in income tax that he wanted to spend on hungry kids and I wanted to spend on shoes.

It’s feared the consensus that violating international law is grown up politics has been permanently damaged by the UN’s latest virtue signal. Even worse, leftie weirdos like Zack Polanski might be taken seriously as political actors. (If you’re unfamiliar with Zack Polanski, he’s the leader of the Green Party who thinks stopping climate destruction is more important than corporate profit - in other words, a lunatic.)

In a last-ditch attempt to save their reputations, pro-genocide MPs have branded the United Nations “Hamas supporters”. The official list of Hamas supporters now includes:

• the United Nations (apart from the coloniser countries)

• Rabbis leading prayer vigils for Palestinians at St Pancras station

• 76% of the British public who support a ceasefire

• the BBC for not doing Israeli propaganda convincingly enough

• anyone who has ever stood in the same room as Jeremy Corbyn

• autistic people who own a cuddly octopus sensory toy

• the Green Party and all of its supporters

• every Palestinian who lost 20 family members and didn’t start the interview with the words “I condemn Hamas”

I don’t know about you, but I, for one, am glad we live in a country where the first thought of TV presenters interviewing the relatives of dead Palestinians is to lecture them about Hamas and suggest Israel had good reason for blowing up everyone they loved.

This is not at all insensitive and does not show that we live in a fake democracy where journalists act as the mouthpiece for an empire that never really died x

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