MPs want to stop anti-genocide protests rather than genocide

Obviously, the protests are the real danger here

English politicians have listened to protesters’ concerns about the Gaza genocide and decided the best course of action is to ban people from protesting against the Gaza genocide. Aren’t you so glad we live in a democracy?

MPs needed to be shielded from criticism after Sir Keir Starmer threatened to kick the House Speaker in the nuts to manipulate our democracy so he could protect a genocidal regime from criticism, so now we’re pretending this is about the horrific murder of Jo Cox that took place 8 years ago, rather than the genocide that is taking place today with our military assistance. In case you didn’t know, this is what integrity in politics looks like.

Thankfully, the Metropolitan Police are willing to go along with the new health and safety initiative (even though we normally hate those) because authoritarianism is how police commissioners win awards.

A Met Police spokesman said: “We’ve battered women at candle-lit vigils and locked people up for holding blank pieces of card at the royal family’s fancy dress parties, so it’s only right we should arrest people who are upset about genocide, and we should definitely pretend those people are terrorists. We might even get away with doing another Jean Charles De Menezes on one of them, fingers crossed.

“Remember, peaceful protesters are dangerous because they don’t respect our democratic way of life or our western values… such as the right to protest, for example.”

Protecting western values is definitely the number one priority here, but this is not just about silencing the peaceful protesters who oppose genocide. The only two parties that count (Sunak’s Tories and Starmer’s Tories) want to stop the party that doesn’t count (the SNP) from using the words “collective punishment” to describe the collective punishment of 2.3 million people who had nothing to do with October 7th but need to be killed to make American university students and English MPs feel safer.

I understand the two genocide parties want to put Humza Yousaf on a terrorist watch list for having a Palestinian wife and they want to ban Layla Moran from talking about her family who are trapped in the church that the IDF is sniping because telling the truth about the IDF is Hamas propaganda.

I’m told Labour Friends of Israel, who won’t disclose who funds them, want the Labour Party to ban anti-Zionism, so it’s good to see we’re focusing on the right things here. Our politicians will do literally anything to stop the violence, apart from doing anything that might actually stop the violence. Obviously, they get upset when people point this out, so don’t, okay? And remember, it’s a hate crime to mention that 11 MPs have received money from pro-Israel lobbyists during this genocide because those donations have in no way influenced their decisions. It’s extremely hurtful to suggest MPs do the bidding of the lobbyists who give them money.

One distraught MP, who was too terrified to be named, said a constituent asked her how she sleeps at night, and she said this made her feel “worse than a child amputee who doesn’t have pain relief or food and water”.

Just think about that. This MP was totally safe in her second home, and healthy and well-fed, but she felt even worse than a child who nearly died from one of the bombs she agreed to send to Israel. Poor thing.

Another MP told me it’s “totally unacceptable” for the public to demand that MPs “respect human rights and international law”, adding “what will they say we should be respecting next? The will of the people?”

A third MP said: “I was having my doubts when I saw that all the hospitals in Gaza had been destroyed, but then a lobbyist offered me £10,000 to keep my mouth shut and I remembered I got into politics for the right reason: personal gain. I’m therefore ignoring the 70% of the public who want a ceasefire and I’m also ignoring my own conscience.” Obviously, the most shocking part of that revelation is that an MP still has a conscience, but at least it’s up for sale. There is hope our NHS can be fully privatised yet.

Multiple MPs have explained to me that people whining about genocide puts their lives in danger. This is totally unfair on the people who are supplying the bombs that are being used to destroy an entire country. Obviously, it would be unthinkable to stop supplying the bombs that are destroying an entire country. The complainers never come up with workable alternatives to genocide, do they?

Our government cares so passionately about the Gaza genocide that it’s just asked the ICJ to not call for Israel to pull out from the Palestinian territories because I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but we’re big fans of colonialism over here. We once had our own empire and everything, but then the woke mob said we couldn’t get brown people to carry the king around on their shoulders any more because that sort of thing is frowned upon by people who aren’t racist.

The Tories have explained it’s just not right to use inflammatory rhetoric about a sensitive situation, which is why Suella Braverman was forced to point out that Islamists have taken over the UK in direct contradiction to Liz Truss who said it was transgender people.

Remember, that kind of statement is only racist if you replace the word “Islamist” with “Zionist” because it’s perfectly acceptable to smear Muslims, but if you mention your legitimate concerns about lobbying from a genocidal power, the ECHR will investigate your party faster than you can say Shai Masot. Do not Google “Shai Masot” under any circumstances and do not think about Suella Braverman’s words for too long or they might lose their racist intent.

If Islamists really have taken over the UK, and the Tories are in charge, surely it means either the Tories are Islamists too, or they are such weak leaders that they somehow let 0.01% of the population make the rules, even though they aren’t Tory donors. I’m confused too, but all that matters is that if we don’t do something urgently, Sharia law is coming to get us all. I have no idea what this means either x

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