Palestinian footballer dies of "natural causes" after bullet strikes him in aid queue

Suleiman al-Obeid, a renowned footballer nicknamed the "Palestinian Pele" has sadly died of natural causes after a bullet struck him while he was queuing for aid near Rafah. He was 41 years old.

Most of the football world has fallen silent, but UEFA posted this heartfelt tribute that was carefully worded to avoid telling too much of the truth:

Farewell to Suleiman al-Obeid, the 'Palestinian Pelé'. A talent who gave hope to countless children, even in the darkest of times.

Al-Obeid was queuing for aid at a distribution site which was run by the kind people at the Gaza Humanitarian Foundation. You can imagine how upset they are by the latest outbreak of bullets on their watch. I'm told the soldiers who definitely didn't pull the trigger have been offered counselling. I hope they're okay.

All of the experts who are scared of Israel have explained the bullet that ripped through al-Obeid's emaciated body may have been caused by a genetic condition or poor lifestyle choices. No one can think of an alternative source for the bullet. It is proving quite the mystery, given there has been a large outbreak of bullets in aid queues recently. Perhaps the bullets are contagious. Who knows?

Even more mysteriously, a total of 662 Palestinian athletes and coaches have died in Gaza since 7 October 2023, all of natural causes such as bombs and bullets. These deaths just happened to coincide with Israel destroying 288 sports facilities, including stadiums, training grounds, gyms and clubhouses. Thankfully, FIFA has confirmed Israel won't be kicked out of any football tournaments because this sort of thing is only bad when Russia does it x

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