Politicians concerned immediate ceasefire could save lives

They've decided we can't have a ceasefire until 2074

As you are probably aware, the SNP is submitting a parliamentary motion to call for an immediate ceasefire in Gaza, prompting concern among sensible MPs that an immediate ceasefire could save lives.

Around 400 children in Gaza are killed or injured every day and the idea of lowering that number to zero is unthinkable. Even the most moderate of moderates believe we should only reduce civilian casualties by 5-10%.

Anyone who would reduce the number by more than 10% is a lunatic who is failing to consider the humanitarian needs of the military industrial complex.

These do-gooders are such hypocrites they’re failing to point out the option is already there for Gazans to keep themselves safe and they’re choosing not to use it.

Benjamin Netanyahu has repeatedly explained that if Palestinian children don’t want IDF snipers to kill them with a single shot to the head, they should hand over the hostages and move into the Sinai Desert where they will be totally safe until Israel bombs the Sinai Desert.

Apparently, that’s not good enough though. Apparently, these people think they should be allowed to return to the rubble of their homes. Honestly, some people want everything.

Rishi Sunak must be feeling the pressure because he says too many civilians have died, now that the death toll has exceeded 30,000, but he thought things were totally fine when the death toll was 29,999. Thankfully, Rishi will only call for a Sustainable Ceasefire™ when Hamas has been fully removed, and given that Israel considers everyone to be Hamas, you can do the maths.

Apparently, it’s okay to eliminate everyone in Gaza because some terrorists did a terrible thing on October 7th, but that logic doesn’t apply when illegal settlers commit mass shootings in the West Bank. This is because one side is allowed to do terrorism and the other side isn’t. Anyone who doesn’t accept this, doesn’t care about sustainable peace.

Former Defence Secretary Ben Wallace has explained Netanyahu’s methods will fuel the Gaza conflict for another fifty years so the Sustainable Ceasefire™ can’t come before 2074 when every Tory will be long gone, apart from the immortal Jacob Rees-Mogg.

It is feared that if parliament backs calls for a ceasefire, this could undermine the narrative the UN is Hamas and bombing hospitals and schools is okay. It could even lead people to think the International Court of Justice is a real court and not simply the next military target for the IDF.

The Tories have said they don’t want a repeat of November when eight disgraceful government ministers broke ranks to vote for an immediate ceasefire. The government has therefore updated anti-terrorism laws so that anyone who votes for an immediate ceasefire will be sent to Belmarsh.

It’s not just the Tories who are feeling the pressure from the SNP’s immediate ceasefire motion. A panic-stricken David Lammy appeared on my TV show and told me:

“We will carefully inspect the wording of the motion to see if we can find an excuse not to back it. As everyone knows, an immediate ceasefire was Jeremy Corbyn’s preferred option and we can’t have him being right again, can we? He keeps making us look like dickheads.”

As you can see, this is a huge problem because if Labour MPs found themselves agreeing with Corbyn, they would have to suspend themselves in order to be morally consistent.

The Labour Party has therefore clarified it does but doesn’t support a ceasefire and agrees with the Tories that a ceasefire has to be instantly sustainable. This is not how any other ceasefire in history has worked, but it’s definitely how this one should work.

Usually, ceasefires are temporary measures to buy time while both sides sit down and negotiate lasting peace, but Sir Keir Starmer has been told to say we can only have a ceasefire that’s permanent. This means we won’t be getting a ceasefire until at least 2074. Until then, we'll pretend to be disappointed with Israel's actions while continuing to arm them.

Lefty do-gooder Joe Biden is so disgusted with Netanyahu’s killing spree that he is urgently sending extra bombs to Israel because they’ve already used up the 21,000 bombs he had previously sent them and a few buildings in Gaza are somehow still standing.

Personally, I think the IDF might have a bombing addiction because 21,000 bombs sounds like a lot, even for genocidal lunatics, but who am I to judge? I once started playing with bubble wrap and I was still popping three hours later. Impulse control can be really hard x

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