Pope, who controversially followed the message of Jesus, dies on Easter Monday

His critics are awkwardly saying nice things about him...

Pope Francis sadly passed away at the age of 88 on the morning of Easter Monday.

This pope was a controversial figure because he had an uncomfortable habit of doing the right thing. This was deeply embarrassing to the political figures who claim to be followers of Jesus. Imagine building your career around your bigotry and selfishness being God’s will and then Francis comes along and undermines your bullshit. Someone really should have crucified him for this.

Pope Francis caused great difficulty for the politicians who blame refugees for their own failures because he kept defending refugees and reminding us they are human. He inexplicably took the message of Jesus very seriously, and he controversially followed his example. This led many prominent Catholics, such as Bill O’Reilly, to decide the pope is doing Christianity wrong.

When the pope pointed out that Mary and Joseph were refugees who fled the brutality of King Herod, O’Reilly said: “Pope Francis and supporters of unfettered migration have not thought out the severe unintended consequences of their cries for compassion.” Truly, Bill O’Reilly should be God’s messenger on earth. I would therefore like to throw his hat into the ring to be the next pope.

Pope Francis was condemned by many for his “wokeness” because he cared about other human beings. He spoke out against the excesses of capitalism and defended the working class, saying: “There is no union without workers, and there are no free workers without a union”. He attracted fury from the selfless preachers who drive sports cars when he called himself a “communist”.

All good preachers know that Jesus walked barefoot and said “blessed are the meek” because he wanted a world of rugged individualism where we idolise wealth. That time he whipped the bankers was a whoopsie and is best forgotten.

Disturbingly, the pope fought for the freedom of Assange because he believed in leftie ideas like “freedom of the press”. He also believed in the abolition of the death penalty, called for a universal basic income, washed and kissed the feet of prisoners, apologised to indigenous peoples for the cultural genocide perpetrated by the Catholic Church, and even reached out to gay people, saying it’s not his place to judge them. Talk about being on the wrong side of every issue.

Pope Francis regularly checked in on the priests and parishioners in Gaza, even when he was approaching death. He called Israel’s noble war of self-defence “terrorism”, just because the IDF keeps blowing up civilians, like terrorists.

Pope Francis spent his final days calling for a ceasefire in Gaza, so we, in the mainstream media, are not going to mention Gaza once during our insincere tributes. We are going to be as vague as possible so we can say nice things about him without promoting ideas such as “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.

If we followed the golden rule, our current political system would collapse overnight, wouldn’t it? x

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