President Trump courageously plans nuclear war to prevent release of Trump-Epstein files
The most rational and well-balanced US president ever, Donald Trump, is making exciting plans to start nuclear war with Russia to prevent the release of the Epstein files.
In a social media post that was so serious it contained relatively few grammatical errors, Trump announced he has positioned two nuclear submarines close to Russia. This is because he was upset that Dmitry Medvedev had trolled him on Twitter. Let's be honest, even the best of us can get emotional enough to end the world after a bad Twitter pile-on.
Trump insisted in an interview that the US is well-prepared for nuclear war, by which he means "all the billionaires have bunkers" and "fuck the rest of you". When the radioactive dust settles, Trump will be a shoo-in for the Nobel Peace Prize.
Melania has already said: "There is no fucking way I am getting in a bunker with that creep. I'd rather be under the first bomb!" The MAGA faithful have said they are happy to be vapourised as long as it means Trump wins. The evangelicals are just excited they're about to be raptured. They've waited 2,000 years for their spray-tanned prophet.
White House spokesperson Karoline Leavitt says: "Trump has already ended six conflicts. Now it is time for the war to end all wars".
You might be forgiven for thinking this could be a slight overreaction, but there is more to this story than meets the eye. I'm told Medvedev was in Trump's DMs, saying: "Your days are numbered, paedo", hinting Russian hackers might have obtained the rape tapes. Given the custodians of the tapes at Mossad HQ are keen on nuclear war, it looks like we have a perfect storm.
Trump has been so keen to protect himself and his paedo friends that he named registered sex offender Lawrence Taylor (who sexually assaulted a 16 year old) on the council of a sports initiative for children. As you can imagine, the woke mob is getting on Trump's back about this. They don't seem to understand we only protect women and children from the transes.
Predictably, all of the people who oppose child rape, even when rich conservative men do it, are closing ranks. I will never understand why even the resisters are siding with Russia on this one. Fucking traitors.
It's understood that Trump and his team have concluded the only way to stop the Trump-Epstein files from being released is to bomb everything. As an added bonus, this would solve the jobs crisis Trump has been trying hard to cover up by announcing 250k jobs that don't exist. Obviously, the best way to reduce unemployment is to reduce the working class.
The ruling class are confident they will survive the nuclear holocaust, just don't tell them they won't have any workers left. They're gonna be so confused when they try to pull themselves up by their bootstraps without any workers to exploit! I'm not sure there will be much wealth creation going on in the post-apocalypse, but it will be hilarious to see people who can't wipe their own behinds hunting mutant pigeons with spears x
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Good lord, don't put the idea in his head, he'll think it the zionist's god whispering in his ear, as the chosen one 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
For improved validation of these policies among his butt-wiping Democrat drones, I've heard Trump is seancing the ghost of that noted "Christian" Zionist, LBJ, to hover over proceedings, while recounting the benefits accrued to the planet from allowing Israeli nuclear weapons back when, and his huge contribution to deflecting antisemitism by negating foreign-actor registration for AIPAC, ADL et al. And, parenthetically, by facilitating, shall we say . . . a pro-Israel change in US leadership.