Prime Minister Suella Braverman has sent Rishi Sunak to Rwanda
Along with the Archbishop of Canterbury
Prime Minister Suella Braverman has explained immigration is not out of control but it is too high. With this in mind, she has relocated her predecessor Rishi Sunak to Rwanda (along with the Archbishop of Canterbury). This move has cost the tax payer £300 million, but I’m sure you will agree it was worth it because we can pretend the numbers are finally coming down.
Thankfully, Suella has found unlikely support in the form of the opposition whose only criticism is they want the government to act quicker. I don’t know about you, but I’m thrilled we have two political parties that are doing Enoch Powell proud.
In a surprise turn of events, the UK’s immigrant population have said they’re happy to leave our shores because it’s shit here anyway (literally), but they’re taking their cuisine with them, along with the stolen crown jewels, and good luck running the NHS.
I’m sure the low-paid rightoids will be thrilled those foreign doctors and surgeons who took their jobs are leaving vacancies for them. Imagine one of the 24 brainless Gbeebies viewers operating on an actual human brain! I mean what could possibly go wrong?
Well, there is one concern in Downing Street: if the immigrants did go, the government would have no one to blame for their failures, although they could attack benefits claimants who fail to take up the jobs foreigners leave behind (regardless of whether they have the required master’s degree).
We live in interesting times when government figures who are second generation immigrants are doing everything they can to stop people like them from coming here. It’s fantastic they have integrated so well, they are following the one Tory rule that’s for them, rather than the other rule that’s for everyone else. If the English do one thing better than anyone, it’s hypocrisy.
For example, Suella has just rewritten the Ministerial Code so she is exempt from telling the truth and even doing her job. Suella couldn’t be arsed to turn up to the House of Commons today to discuss the “record immigration figures”. This is because an honest conversation would involve explaining we take less than our fair share of refugees and the other immigrants are workers that our ageing economy needs.
It’s a sad fact of life that pandering to the racist vote comes back to bite you, but at least Labour is supportive of Suella’s ban on international students bringing their relatives to Britain. This definitely won’t cost the economy billions every year as smart and talented people go elsewhere.
65% of the public think the economy is the number one issue facing the UK, but Suella only speaks to the 28% who are stupid enough to think it’s people in dinghies. Worryingly, the 28% are turning against Suella because they blame her every time a determined refugee makes it through our defensive turd barrier.
Fortunately for Suella, David Cameron (another master of pandering to idiots until they come back to bite him) has leapt to her defence like a pig fucker in shining armour.
Dodgy Dave says don’t criticise the Rwanda plan unless you’ve got a better plan. Apparently, not violating human rights by forcing people into a country they’ve never visited doesn’t count as a better plan.
Dave wants something as credible as the non-independent investigation into the Teesworks corruption scandal, something as clear as police getting confused about chasing two people in Cardiff, something as carefully considered as Katharine Birbalsingh celebrating Tina Turner’s relationship with Ike - and no leftie could possibly live up to these lofty standards.
We want lower immigration numbers and we want them now! Sadly, no one can explain why we want lower immigration numbers because coming out and saying we hate foreigners (unless they’re rich and donate to the Tories) would get us in trouble. We can’t even say most of them are coming here “illegally” because the bulk of immigrants are granted Visas before they come. Honestly, trying to bullshit our way through this self-inflicted problem is quite an art-form.
The claim that immigration could rise from 600,000 to one million has turned out to be utter bollocks and the number of people applying to come to the UK is falling. This is because applicants see a picture of Suella on the government website and it scares the shit out of them. Plus, the dinghies encounter a wall of sewage and most quickly turn around, begging France to take them back. Thérèse Coffey really does not get enough credit for this.
It’s important to understand, we need fewer of the benefits of immigration for our self-defeating economy that makes people so poor they can’t afford to buy anything. We will keep blaming immigrants for this until there are no immigrants left and the working class are so poor, they’re checking for recipes to eat the rich and… oh wait, I’m not sure we’ve thought this one through x
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What a scorcher! I take my hat off to you :-) Already posted on Twitter and Facebook.
Absolutely love this, glad to have come across this Substack, had to share!