Priti Patel uncovers socialist plot to force Britain into the UK

This is genuinely terrifying

Priti Patel has uncovered a fiendish socialist plot.

The original Suella Braverman and former Tory champion of supreme evil, who dreams of drowning refugees like Cruella De Vil drowns puppies, spoke at an event held by the Conservative Democratic Organisation, a lovely group whose sole purpose is to destroy democracy.

You probably thought that was the Heritage Foundation or the European Research Group, but the Tories have many groups that want to completely destroy democracy and Priti hangs out with all of them. Anyways, this socialist plot she has uncovered will send chills down your spine.

Priti warned us of:

“Britain-hating, criminal-supporting socialists that wanted to see Corbyn as prime minister, Britain forced back into the UK, and would cancel out our freedoms."

Aside from her dodgy syntax, Priti is absolutely right.

Those socialist monsters want to cancel our freedoms, such as the inability to live and work in 29 countries, afford energy without selling a child, and de-turd our sewage lakes. Socialists want to take away our freedoms, but they want the freedom to protest and call Prince Andrew a nonce just because he’s a nonce. This is the real cancel culture.

All real British people want is sovereignty, but socialists don’t even want independence from the bureaucrats in Northern Ireland. I’m so angry, I can’t speak. It almost feels like the lies on the side of the bus were for nothing.

I’m just grateful someone is fighting back.

Priti did not just take aim at socialists though. She blamed local election losses on “those in power and control” and lamented “errors and mistakes,” blissfully unaware those two words are synonyms. She appeared to be upset at Rishi’s bizarre decisions, such as not letting pensions completely collapse, although it’s unclear if she considers that one an error or a mistake.

Priti accused the Tory leadership of doing a better job of damaging our party than Sir Keir Starmer or left-wing campaign groups, but to be fair, Labour are the “real conservatives” now. It remains unclear if Priti will be allowed to defect.

Priti seems to have forgotten about the prime minister between Johnson and Sunak who was tragically finished by the anti-growth coalition when she was posting a selfie on Instagram that got 46 likes. Poor Liz does not get the credit she deserves for fucking everything up while wearing fancy dress.

Priti argued the Tories should be more answerable to the “rank and file” of the party (the far right) who’ve definitely not had enough influence over British politics in recent years. If only we’d scrapped Universal Credit and brought back workhouses and national service to drain the woke out of people, and sent every brown person (apart from Priti) to the moon, none of this would be happening. It’s time to put the real patriots back in control.

With this in mind, Priti lamented the demise of my ex, Boris Johnson, claiming “they took down a vote-winning political giant”. Perhaps Priti had a fling with him too. I mean everyone else did.

Priti described Boris as “the man that got Brexit done” and helped us escape the tyranny of unelected bureaucrats in Northern Ireland. Strangely, she forgot to mention he promoted sex offenders, attempted to knight his dad Sir Grope-a-lot, broke his own laws so he could get hammered while his victims were dying, and kept humping the furniture whenever there were no secretaries within grabbing distance.

Priti hailed Johnson as the “most electorally successful prime minister since Margaret Thatcher” whose crowning glory was privatising the furnaces of hell. Personally, I’m hoping Priti and Boris set up a new party for real Brits that puts our national interest first. We could call it the British National Party x

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