Israel’s chief propagandist (their equivalent of me) has unfortunately been sacked for not lying well enough. Spokesman Eylon Levy found himself in trouble when he failed to have backup lies ready to support his original lie, causing him to fall apart under questioning. This really was a rookie error.
Typically, Israel expects its lies to unravel after several weeks when everyone has moved on, but Eylon’s lie unravelled almost immediately and this meant he had to go. Yes, the world’s worst liars have finally found someone who does not meet their lying standards!
The people who keep a straight face as they pretend dead babies were carrying copies of Mein Kampf, and accuse anyone who doubts their claims of being Hamas, think Eylon went too far this time. I know what you’re all thinking: it’s not possible for an Israeli propagandist to go too far, but it turns out it actually is!
Ordinarily, Israeli propagandists are not publicly challenged because anyone who challenges them is sacked, but in defiance of convention, Tory MP Alicia Kearns challenged Eylon on Twitter. It’s unclear why she has not been condemned by her parliamentary colleagues.
When Labour MP Beth Winter asked about Israel using “starvation as a weapon of war”, she was rebuked for being offensive towards the people who are committing genocide. This is how you are meant to shut down anyone who tells the truth about Israel, but sadly, even some Tories are turning into Hamas. It’s like a pandemic and it’s spreading faster than Covid-19! These truly are worrying times.
If you fear you might be turning into Hamas, here are the symptoms you should look out for:
feelings that genocide might be wrong
inexplicable concern for starving children
a desire to fact-check Israeli politicians
random outbursts of Palestinian Arabic
Please note: if you get treated by a doctor before the arrival of the last symptom, it might not be too late to save you from becoming a decent human being.
There are worrying signs that Foreign Secretary David Cameron is at risk of becoming a decent human being because he sent a tweet urging Israel to let aid trucks into Gaza, inadvertently admitting they’re starving people, which would be an act of genocide.
Lord Cameron asked Israel to open up a corridor in the north and issue more visas to UN workers, but Israel said they can only offer more waterboarding to UN workers. This seemed like a fair compromise, but the British government inexplicably said they were more focused on food than torture. Weirdos.
Eylon was understandably furious the foreign secretary had breached Israel’s trust by publicly revealing the truth. He therefore did what every good propagandist would do in such a situation: he made up the first lie that came into his head.
Usually, this strategy would work perfectly and Eylon’s words would be quoted verbatim on the BBC as inarguable fact. How was poor Eylon to know that on this occasion he would be asked for evidence? This had literally never happened before, but sadly, it happened on this occasion, and Israel’s spokesman malfunctioned like Liz Truss when she’s asked to explain her economic plans.
Eylon told Lord Cameron there were no problems with aid getting into Gaza, and in fact, Israel had excess capacity to let aid through. He claimed the UN had told Israel to stop letting aid into Gaza because they had so much, they didn’t know what to do with all! He claimed the UN was blaming Israel to cover up for the fact it couldn’t distribute aid fast enough! He demanded the UN be held accountable for covering up for Hamas which was confusing because I thought he was blaming the UN, not Hamas, but never mind.
In Eylon’s defence, his lies were no more implausible than any of Israel’s other lies, but that know-it-all Alicia Kearns kept demanding he show evidence. She even said the information the British government has received contradicts his claims.
Everyone knows it’s illegal to publicly contradict Israel’s claims, but Kearns felt worryingly comfortable doing Hamas propaganda. She even revealed Israel had blocked thousands of aid trucks at the Egyptian border and confirmed Eylon’s claims were the opposite of what she had been told. In other words, she totally humiliated him!
Instead of admitting he had no evidence to support his lies and issuing a correction, Eylon dirty-deleted his tweets and hoped everyone would stop calling him out, but sadly, the entire internet is now Hamas and they wouldn’t let it go. Therefore, Netanyahu did the only thing he could do: he threw his chief propagandist under a bus.
Netanyahu explained he only supported Eylon’s lies on the understanding that no one would call them out. Now that everyone knows Eylon was lying, Netanyahu has decided he has never supported anything Eylon has ever said. He doesn’t even know who hired him, but when he finds out, that person is totally in trouble! Netanyahu said he always acts promptly when his officials act inappropriately and it only took five months of non-stop lies for Eylon to be sacked - a national record.
Netanyahu’s prompt action means the British government is reluctant to follow in the footsteps of Canada who have suspended arms sales to Israel. This is because they are making lots of money from genocide and they want it to continue for as long as possible so it costs Labour Muslim voters. Hopefully, the prime minister will now see sense and sack Lord Cameron so we can go back to business as usual x
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"It might not be too late to save you from becoming a decent human being."
Oh, dear! The horror! We'd never want that to happen! What would we do with a planet full of decent human beings? We might actually have...peace? AAAaaaaaaaagggggggghhhhhhhh!!!
https://youtu.be/Bu1_OFUcd0g?si=Husx6tQpHJ1-H7az
And Samuel said to Saul,
“The Lord sent me to anoint you king over his people Israel; now therefore listen to the words of the Lord. Thus says the Lord of hosts, ‘I have noted what Amalek did to Israel in opposing them on the way when they came up out of Egypt. Now go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.’” -- Sam 15:1‑3
This is who those Mad Men and Mad Women, those PR spinners, those marketers, those flaks are working with.