Rev. Sue Parfitt just weeks away from developing a nuclear bomb

We need to find that enriched uranium fast

In a terrifying battle in Parliament Square yesterday, counter-terrorism police finally apprehended the leader of Hamas UK, Sue Parfitt, along with 26 other terrorists.

The octogenarian reverend had launched a sickening attack in which she held up a sign with an opinion Yvette Cooper disapproves of. Obviously, no one in the UK is allowed to disagree with Yvette Cooper. That's not how democracy works.

Three police officers were hospitalised with injuries consistent with blows from a walking stick and one of them is on life support. Assuming they survive, the officers are expected to be given medals for their bravery. They are also expected to be given someone else's homes in accordance with the Bible.

The military has finally destroyed the HQ of Hamas UK, a vicarage in a leafy suburb near Bristol. The 2,000 lb bunker buster took out the entire neighbourhood and several hundred human shields, mostly women and children.

Worryingly, there was no detectable spike in radiation levels, suggesting police have failed to destroy Parfitt's nuclear facilities. Regardless, police are confident Hamas UK is just weeks away from building a nuke.

Nuclear clean up specialists identified a terror tunnel below the rubble of Parfitt's vicarage, proving the use of a bunker buster was necessary. It's possible the tunnel was used to move the enriched uranium to a remote location such as Wales. Let's be honest, no one apart from a terrorist would visit Wales.

Parfitt has told officers she removed all enriched uranium to undisclosed farms and is unwilling to give up her nuclear program, unless Israel agrees to the following unreasonable demands:

• stop bombing schools

• stop bombing hospitals

• stop bombing tents

• stop bombing aid convoys

• stop bombing journalists

• let in baby formula

Israel says it is reviewing the proposals, but the baby formula thing is a red line and there will be no ceasefire, unless Parfitt agrees to compromise. However, Parfitt is so extreme, she is refusing to sacrifice babies, leaving open the possibility Israel might launch a nuclear first strike on the UK. It's only what we deserve x

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