Royals skip hospital queues because the winter crisis is only for plebs
One should not be expected to sit on the floor in a corridor
You will be hugely relieved to hear that NHS waiting times do not apply to the Princess of Wales, or her father-in-law Charles for that matter.
We have once again reached the unforeseeable time of year when the NHS collapses under the strain of lack of government preparation, and screaming children sit in corridors as pensioners with broken hips freeze in the street, waiting for an ambulance that never arrives.
Obviously, the NHS in winter is an ordeal that no one who matters should endure. Thankfully, the Princess of Wales will not experience the torment of the English health service and she certainly won‘t be going anywhere near “Wales”. Shudder.
For those of you who are unaware, “Wales” is a small mountainous region to the west of England that for a long time was thought to be made up, but it turns out Wales is just as real as Narnia and so are Welsh people. Catherine is not Welsh though, she was just given the remote land in order to civilise the natives who are entirely new to science.
Obviously, the unforeseeable annual winter crisis should only be endured by the people who pay for the NHS. The family that doesn’t pay a penny towards the NHS is skipping the queue like Phil and Holly at a state funeral and getting a better tier of healthcare as they rightly should. We don’t want any more state funerals any time soon because they’re really expensive and everyone loses their fucking minds.
For the benefit of those who want the grisly details: the Princess of Wales, 42, has had an abdominal operation, and her father-in-law, Charles, 105, has an issue with his rectum which emerged when he was sitting on his golden toilet. Thankfully, neither will have to take time off work because neither has a job, but I understand both have had to cancel royal engagements, which are basically holidays you pay for.
Worryingly, Catherine is expected to be out of action until that time of year when Jacob Rees-Mogg tweets that “Christ has risen” and Jesus tweets that “Jacob Rees-Mogg is a massive knob”. This back and forth has been going on since Jacob was a boy 2,000 years ago and people had to tweet on stone tablets because technology was so primitive that Elon Musk hadn’t invented the Twitter app (or the exploding car).
No one knows how long Charles will be out of action, but it’s hoped that highly popular Deputy King Andrew will stand in during his absence. I understand there were concerns the king might not recover from his rectum problem, but I’m told he will be fine so we won’t have to do a weekend at Bernie’s and parade him around in a car like we did with his father Phillip. That is such a relief x
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The description of Wales. Genius 🤣🤣
Wonderful, Laura. Again.
But what's the sense of having royals if they don't get royal treatment? Next thing you know some crazy will be claiming that we're all born equal.