Sir Keir Starmer says "women of Diane Abbott's colour should not be lecturing white men on racism"

Ever since she disgusted Sir Keir Starmer's voter base by becoming the UK's first black female MP, Diane Abbott has been met with ridicule from all the people who understand racism better than she does.

Abbott has rightly been met with fierce criticism throughout her time in parliament for the crime of existing. Even worse than existing, Abbott has often put forward opinions based on her lived experiences. You can imagine how awkward this is for everyone in Labour who wants the Reform vote.

Finally, Starmer has an excuse to get rid of Abbott because she has doubled down on comments she had previously made that were factually correct. Factually fucking correct. Who the hell does this black woman think she is? A white man?

Abbott outrageously suggested the racism experienced by black and brown people is different from the racism experienced by minorities whose differences usually aren't visually identifiable. Understandably, this infuriated every politician who has decided antisemitism is the only racism that counts.

While Abbott's comments included the traveller community, Starmer has decided they were only antisemitic because who gives a fuck about travellers? Not Sir Keir Starmer, that's for sure!

It's totally unacceptable for black women to explain how their experience of racism differs from other experiences of racism. If Abbott wants to discuss racism, she should find a nice, well-spoken, white woman who will express her concerns to white men in a delicate manner.

If Abbott asked a nice white woman to ventriloquise, white men would take her concerns seriously, but no, she had the audacity to speak for herself. No wonder Starmer suspended Abbott for her factually correct observations that made us feel uncomfortable. No one is allowed to highlight differences between the experiences of racism unless they're saying people with pale skin have it worse.

Obviously, I, as a white woman, don't grasp this quite as strongly as a white man so I caught up with the prime minister and asked him to explain why you should ignore black women. Here is an excerpt from the interview that will be televised on the BBC tonight:

STARMER: "Obviously, women of Diane Abbott's colour should not be lecturing white men on racism. That's totally inappropriate. We will accept gentle concerns from white women who kindly speak on a black woman's behalf, but that's as far as we're prepared to go, I'm afraid."

ME: "Do you think there was even an element of truth in Diane Abbott's comments?"

STARMER: "Um, that, um, well, that's not the point, is it?"

ME: "Are you usually able to identify travellers or Jews by their appearance?"

STARMER (grinning): "Yes, travellers are easily identifiable because they're the ones who are always burgling your house! If ever you see a burglar, that's probably a traveller!"

ME: "And Jews?"

STARMER: "Well, they all wear those funny little hats."

ME (raising eyebrows): "All of them?"

STARMER: "Yes, every single one of them... Well, apart from my wife."

ME: "Your wife's Jewish? I couldn't even tell! She's got pale skin and blue eyes... like me, actually. Come to think of it, most of us with a Jewish heritage look pretty white, don't we?"

STARMER: "Sorry, but it's racist to compare light-skinned, blue-eyed women to white people."

ME: "Oh sorry, I learn something new about me every day... So I take it your wife experiences racism the same as a black woman when someone yells the 'N-word' while she's walking down the street? Or say, when the first black female MP gets treated like she's too thick to be in parliament?"

STARMER: "Yes, it's exactly like that! Well, not the second one, that's fine, but my wife faces N-word-style racism all the time."

ME: "Really? That's literally never happened to me! Can you give an example?"

STARMER: "Well, when Jeremy Corbyn made those comments about antisemitism in the Labour Party, they made her feel uncomfortable."

ME: "Oh, you mean when Corbyn said antisemitism in Labour had been greatly exaggerated by his opponents for political purposes and those claims were awkwardly corroborated by the Forde report that you commissioned? The report that said there was a hierarchy of racism in the Labour Party that you were ignoring?"

STARMER: "Yes, what Corbyn said was exactly like someone yelling the 'N-word' at Diane Abbott because it made Zionists feel unsafe."

ME: "But you don't have specific examples about your wife, just that someone said the antisemitism numbers in Labour had been exaggerated by, well, people like yourself because there were like nine cases that mostly came from the Miliband era and you made it seem like tens of thousands from the Corbyn era?"

STARMER: "Well, I have other examples, such as members of the public objecting to my participation in Israel's genocide. That makes me... I mean my wife feel uncomfortable because if we concede ground here I might end up in jail!"

ME: "Wow, people objecting to your role in genocide sounds terrible!"

STARMER: "Yes, it's racist to object to my role in genocide. That's why I must punish anyone who calls that out, such as Diane Abbott or Jeremy Corbyn. We can't have people with a conscience holding me to account, can we?"

ME: "Do you think what Diane Abbott or Jeremy Corbyn has said is worse than someone making an 'island of strangers' speech, or burying their own report that warned of a hierarchy in the Labour Party, or putting Trevor Phillips in charge of Islamophobia policy, or promoting the people who racially bullied Diane Abbott, or dismissing Black Lives Matter as a 'moment', or not challenging the Great Replacement Theory on LBC, or complaining that not enough Bangladeshis were being removed from the UK, or saying Israel has 'the right' to withhold food, water and electricity from the people of Gaza, or threatening protesters for waving a Palestinian flag?"

STARMER: "Yes, racism is when you hold me to account for all of these things. Holding me to account will not be tolerated."

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