Suella Braverman accepts full responsibility and sacks Rishi Sunak
It's important that lessons are learned
Huge story coming out of Downing Street.
Following my exclusive report that Suella Braverman was considering resigning (for 9 days) over the speeding ticket scandal and had a change of heart, I can now reveal she has taken the tough decision of sacking Rishi Sunak.
Unfortunately, Suella will not be letting Rishi return to the role in a week or so when the whole thing has blown over. This is because she intends to lead with “integrity, professionalism and accountability at every level”, which let’s be honest is about as convincing as Matt Hancock screeching, “I’m human!”
Rishi knew what Suella was doing all along, but he was too afraid to stop her from breaking the ministerial code for a second time (that we know of) because he’s a massive wimp. This means Rishi is done for and Suella is our 17th (est.) Tory prime minister since 2010.
Suella had asked civil servants if they could arrange a private speed awareness course because she didn’t want people on the course to see her face. In Suella’s defence, she was only thinking of the public because anyone who looks directly into her eyes turns to stone. The civil servants - who were viewing her reflection in a polished shield - refused to help, but none had the courage to finish her off like Perseus.
When these events were revealed in parliament, Angela Rayner yelled out: “I’ll fucking do it!” and she got in trouble with the house speaker for swearing again.
I understand Suella took the tough decision to sack Rishi after consulting the Tories’ ethics adviser and seeing who she could throw under a bus. The minister, who was appointed to oversee law and order, deeply regrets accepting a fine and points on her licence and agrees she should’ve sacked Rishi sooner. It is hoped her tough action will help avoid an inquiry into her behaviour.
In a statement, Suella said:
“Pretending we haven’t made mistakes, carrying on as if everyone can’t see that we have made them, and hoping that things will magically come right is not serious politics. I made a mistake; Rishi accepts responsibility; he resigns.”
Obviously, this is only fair. If Suella had to resign for nine days, just because she breached the ministerial code and broke national security by sending sensitive documents, not only to an MP who had no right to see them, but also his wife and a random who she CC’d in by mistake, obviously Rishi must resign forever for this.
I hope Rishi is grateful that Suella’s allowing him to pretend this is a resignation rather than a humiliating sacking but we all know the truth. Thérèse Coffey was asked her opinion on the matter by Sophie Ridge on Sky News, but she shrugged and said: “Sorry, I don’t give a shit,“ then she puffed on a cigar and farted x
Thank you so much for letting me vent! If you enjoyed this article, you can buy me a coffee below or simply share this article with a friend. It helps me more than you realise. Writing is my full-time job, meaning I am so broke and without this blog supplementing my income, I cannot pay the bills! x
✌️✌️
In Suella’s defence, she was only thinking of the public because anyone who looks directly into her eyes turns to stone
That closing sentence had me in stitches 🤣