Suella Braverman declares gay people and women aren't real refugees

She wants her title of UK's most evil person back

Suella Braverman has desperately tried to reclaim her title of “the UK’s most evil person” from Laurence Fox by declaring that gay people and women should not be allowed to claim asylum.

Braverman explained the international asylum system is “outdated” and she feels it’s wrong that being “fearful of discrimination in your country of origin is sufficient to qualify for protection,” because gay people are discriminated against here too.

She clarified that: “Just because gay people can be thrown off roofs for their sexuality, does not mean they count as real refugees,” and if she had her way, she would be “throwing all refugees off roofs, but especially the gay ones”.

She went on: “Just because women can have their heads chopped off if they reveal the lower part of their face in a provocative manner, does not mean their lives are in danger. Women should simply do as they’re told and they’ll be fine.”

Braverman’s comments have been criticised by gay extremist Elton John who wears pink-tinted sunglasses in public and thinks people shouldn’t be thrown off roofs, even if they’re foreigners. Thankfully, Elton John has been sent to Rwanda with all the other problematic people.

The Elton John Aids Foundation said in a needlessly divisive statement:

“Nearly a third of all nations class LGBTQ+ people as criminals and homosexuality is still punishable by death in 11 countries.”

To which Braverman replied: “The UK really should be one of those countries.” She then ranted incoherently about “uncontrolled immigration”, seemingly unaware there is nothing “uncontrolled” about letting people not be beheaded for existing.

Braverman lamented that she is not allowed to set the Royal Navy onto dinghies in the English Channel because she thinks “a real life game of Battleship would be brilliant fun”.

Understandably, she raged about the “lunatics” who drafted The 1951 Refugee Convention and when someone tapped her on the shoulder and explained one of them was Winston Churchill, she caught fire and burnt to ash. This is the 17th time Braverman has committed spontaneous combustion this year - a world record.

To clarify where our asylum process is currently at:

• women aren’t considered real refugees

• men aren’t considered real refugees

• unaccompanied minors aren’t considered real refugees

• LGBTQ+ people aren’t considered real refugees

• black and brown people aren’t considered real refugees

• people who travel by boat aren’t considered real refugees

• people escaping a country we just bombed aren’t considered real refugees

• people fleeing active war zones aren’t considered real refugees

• people fleeing Ukraine are considered real refugees, but they have to sleep in tents

As you can see our current asylum system is far too lenient and we must urgently return all Ukrainians to the war zone because the risk of being blown to pieces is not sufficient reason to claim asylum, unless you can make a substantial donation to the Tory party x

Thank you so much for letting me vent! If you enjoyed this article, you can buy me a coffee below or simply share this article with a friend. It helps me more than you realise. Writing is my full-time job, meaning I am so broke and without this blog supplementing my income, I cannot pay the bills! x