Suella Braverman devastated appeal court won't let her be racist
You won't believe what happened when she found out
Suella Braverman had a dream. It was such a noble dream, perhaps the most inspiring dream since Martin Luther King Jr’s dream. Well, actually it was a direct inversion of that dream, but you get the picture. It was a beautiful dream and now that dream appears to be dead.
Suella wanted to dump non-white refugees onto a plane and make the front pages of the newspapers by sending desperate human beings to Rwanda against their will. Yes, she wanted to judge people not by the content of their character but the colour of their skin!
Everyone agrees it’s only right that Ukrainian refugees are allowed to seek asylum because they’re fleeing a terrible war zone, but it’s not right for Sudanese refugees to seek asylum because they are also fleeing a terrible war zone. As you can see, there is absolutely no double-standard here, none whatsoever.
Braverman insisted “doing nothing is not an option” before clarifying that creating safe and legal routes would not count as something. It’s important to understand we want to send refugees to Rwanda because they are not real (white) refugees. Also, if it turns out they are real refugees, they will stay in Rwanda because we don’t want real (non-white) refugees either.
The government has pointed out that it costs £169,000 to send a refugee to Rwanda (on top of the £140,000,000 we’ve given the Rwandan government) and this saves us £45 a week refugee allowance. This kind of mathematical brilliance is why the Tories are such sound custodians of the economy.
Suella’s plan is obviously super-efficient and non-discriminatory, but unfortunately, the Court of Appeal decided Rwanda did not provide enough reassurances that it’s a “safe third country”.
Personally, I think the court’s decision is ridiculous. Just because the Rwandan government makes journalists who tell the truth disappear; conscripts refugees to fight against their will in the Congo; and shot 13 protesters who they weren’t feeding at a refugee camp where they’d been imprisoned for 30 years, does not mean Rwanda is not a safe place for refugees.
Anyone who suggests the Rwanda policy is racist is actually being racist towards Rwanda. Do you see what we did there? Yes, racists accused you of being racist! It’s the second rule of propaganda - accuse the enemy of that which you are guilty! And you - yes, you lefties - are our enemy. Personally, I would send you all to Rwanda, including the activist judges at the Court of Appeal and Gary Lineker.
Two of the three judges decided the Rwanda policy could force refugees back to their country of origin, putting them at risk of “torture” in violation of the European Convention on Human Rights.
Upon hearing the decision, Suella sadly caught fire and burnt to ashes, but she plans to appeal from her new home in hell. I understand Satan’s second-in-command, a demon called Margaret Thatcher is currently advising her.
Despite being an immigrant in hell and totally failing on her flagship policy, demon Braverman insists she will not be resigning. She screamed she still has a job to do as the Downing Street cleaner swept her into a pan and dumped her ashes into the bin.
While the poor cleaner tried to get the scorch mark out of the floor, Suella stopped screaming and turned her attention to Twitter (they’ve got broadband in hell now). Suella expressed a deep and sincere concern that asylum seekers were being unfair on those “who play by the rules”.
However, it was unclear if she was referring to refugees “who play by the rules” by using non-existent safe and legal passages, or if she was referring to fine British people “who play by the rules” like Boris Johnson letting slip state secrets in a Russian spy’s sex castle, but what's important is Suella doesn't want to make fairer immigration rules x
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The 1,000 year Tory dream:
Lords in the castles and the rest of us dead or naked in the fields.
You are wonderfully ruthless and funny!🤣