The FBI's fuck ups are making it really hard to pretend that Epstein is dead
There is now enough weirdness around Epstein that even sensible journalists like me are saying he allegedly took his life. We’re just not sure anymore! It looks like this could be another case of us timidly accepting the official story, and then discovering we were lied to. You’d think we’d have learnt our lesson by now, wouldn’t you?
It’s fair to say the past 24 hours have been confusing. Ghislaine Maxwell astonished everyone by not committing suicide in her cell, and it looks like her boyfriend possibly didn’t commit suicide either. I’m now facing a dilemma: do I remain part of the cover up, or tell the truth for a change?
Um, let me think...
Obviously, if Epstein didn’t kill himself, it means he was murdered or busted out. I can’t imagine why though, because President Trump clearly has nothing to hide and Kash Patel seems like such an honest guy. Perhaps Hillary Clinton set Trump up to prevent him from disclosing the truth about UFOs. There is no other rational explanation…
I would leave it there and go to bed, but sadly, there are some things that are hard to pin on Hillary, things I don’t even think we could pin on Zohran Mamdani and he’s a Muslim.
For example, the Epstein files show that someone from the DOJ drafted the announcement of Epstein’s death 24 hours before his alleged suicide. Now this could have a simple explanation, such as Palantir has invented tech that can see into the future, or it could have been a typo, I guess. Silly me.
If only it was all so simple to explain away…
New footage shows possible entry to Epstein’s cell, due to a flash of movement past the camera that wasn’t previously disclosed. This adds to the previous weirdness, such as the DOJ accidentally releasing a fake video in December and quickly unpublishing it, and releasing the official video with missing segments. Even I can’t think of an excuse for this crap. Who are these useless dickheads?
As if that wasn’t hard enough to cover up, the DOJ has admitted—fucking admitted—it covered boxes in a sheet and passed them off as Epstein’s body. They say this was a decoy to fool the press while the real body was busted out, I mean taken away in secret. Combine this crap with the admission that malfunctioning hard drives for the cameras had to be wiped and replaced after Epstein’s death and you have the stuff that conspiracy theories are made of!
Oh god, the conspiracy theorists are gonna be insufferable because the more I look, the worse this crap gets…
Remember the 4chan guy who posted 38 minutes before Epstein’s death had been announced? The guy who claimed to be a prison guard and said Epstein was busted out and the bodies were switched? Well, the Epstein files confirm the FBI investigated and found 4chan guy really was an on-duty prison guard.
I doubt anyone is letting me pin this on Zohran, so if you love Trump as much as I do, just scream that 4chan guy is a “fucking liar!” What else can we do? I mean a picture of Epstein’s body was released that was missing the tattoo on his arm. They really forgot to draw a fake tattoo on the lookalike they murdered! Good grief…
Epstein confirmed in a 2017 deposition that he’d had the tattoo since he was 18. The barbwire tattoo is showing in images from the Epstein files so we’re now claiming he had it removed in the two years between the deposition and his death. I hope you’re buying this shit because I’m losing the plot here...
And now we have to talk about the fact Epstein almost died from hanging/strangulation two weeks before his death, initially blamed his cell mate, and then said he was confused and didn’t know what happened, but wanted to stay with the same cellmate. Epstein told the prison psychologist that he was not suicidal and was too much of a coward to harm himself. Many people who knew Epstein, including his brother and butler, have said he wouldn’t kill himself. Even Ghislaine said she doesn’t believe he killed himself.
And then there is the awkward fact someone flew a drone over Epstein island and might have caught him alive on camera. Epstein might truly be the first Jewish guy to come back from the dead since Jesus, although he is slightly less impressive than his predecessor. I still hate Jesus more though, because he gave people universal healthcare. Fucking commie.
Anyway, all of this stuff has got me too exhausted to be part of the cover up anymore, so if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to play Fortnite with littlestjeff1. Don’t ask…
Thank you so much for reading my outstanding journalism! If you enjoyed this article, you can buy me a coffee below or simply share this article with a friend. Your support is hugely appreciated x
When Mr. Spock said "One must have faith that the Universe will unfold in the manner in which it was intended," I never thought that would take the form of a generally decent people being saved from Fascism by the sheer incompetence of the Fascists.
Yet here we are. Behold the magnificent arrogance of the most powerful people on the planet thinking they could EMAIL their most perverse peccadillos to each other and that those emails would never come to light!
Truly whom the gods would destroy they first drive mad.
Well, if Epstein is alive, maybe he can run for president in 2028. Better yet, let Trump run for president with Epstein for Vice! Oy!
A little good news, though: << With 3 million Jeffrey Epstein files still being withheld from the public and the names of many possible clients and co-conspirators still blacked out, Rep. Thomas Massie is threatening to invoke what he has called a “nuclear option” to force transparency from President Donald Trump’s Department of Justice.
Massie (R-Ky.), who has pushed harder than any other Republican for the release of the files pertaining to the late sex criminal and his circle of powerful friends, will join Rep. Ro Khanna (D-Calif.) to view unredacted versions of the DOJ files on Monday. >> Source url: https://www.commondreams.org/news/massie-nuclear-epstein-files