The government somehow notices everyone needs a dentist
No one knows why they noticed during an election year
After 14 years in power, the UK government has somehow noticed that British people desperately need dentists and don’t much like their teeth falling out due to the unaffordability of private dentistry.
No one knows why the government has suddenly noticed this problem during an election year, but one thing is clear: it was not possible for them to solve this problem before now and it will definitely be possible to solve this problem going forwards, unless the Conservatives somehow win the election, in which case they will forget ever making the promise and advise you to pull your teeth out with pliers and stop complaining while you’re dying in agony from abscesses.
The government has generously promised an additional £200 million for NHS dentistry, which is actually a reallocation of the existing budget which has been cut by £1 billion (33%) over the past decade. Sensibly, the government has refused to rule out more budget cuts so it can drive the last four remaining dentists out of the NHS and blame immigrants.
You will be astonished to hear the UK spends the lowest proportion of its health budget on dentistry of any European nation and is short of 5,500 dentists. One in four working class children have rotting teeth and 40% are not getting regular dental checkups. We have the lowest number of dentists per capita in the EU and all the Americans who recoil from our hideous smiles are like “No shit, that’s why your teeth look like wood chippings soaked in urine!” No need to get hurtful about it.
Critics have explained the government’s plan to encourage dentists to take more NHS patients will not increase the number of dentists, but it will create 2.5 million dental appointments, meaning everyone will be waiting longer and making 100-mile round trips just to be seen. Imagine going through all this when you have an infected wisdom tooth and Paracetamol is doing absolutely nothing to make the pain bearable.
On the plus side, the government’s plan should help convince stupid people to vote Conservative again and let’s be honest, that’s all that matters. Everyone knows dentistry doesn’t count as healthcare anyway because teeth are not part of the human body and are a luxury rather than a necessity.
If lack of teeth becomes a problem for you, you can always try drinking soup, and please, for the love of god, avoid smiling, you’ll only scare the children x
Thank you so much for letting me vent! If you enjoyed this article, you can buy me a coffee below or simply share this article with a friend. It helps me more than you realise x
Great news, considering that they are trying to start World War III, people are going to need all their teeth for chewing on the stones they are going have to eat for the next 2 centuries
I've found a simple solution to this; I walked into my local pub and declared loudly that I'm voting Tory... 🤜💥
Within minutes I had no teeth to worry about 🦷🦷
However, struggling to get seen in A&E for my fractured skull and broken ribs...
#WhyAreThereNoDoctors ? 🤔😳