The world's finest people have met in a place called Davos

Their noble aim is to make you poorer

The world’s best people have met in a place called “Davos” in what has been described as “the exciting buildup to World War III”. It was truly inspiring to see so many sociopaths gathered in one building, which one terrible person suggested was one gas leak away from making the world a better place. For shame.

World leaders were briefly united by a mutual hatred of poor people - the only group they hate more than each other - and they gleefully shared tips on how to control the masses while pretending to be on their side.

In jovial scenes, attendees sat around golden tables, drinking the blood of children as they spoke about solving the world’s problems, such as “How can we make people work longer hours for less money?” and “Shall we designate ourselves as gods?”

The consensus was “Yes, we should!”

There was excited talk about how AI could be used to control the masses, but some pointed out AI is unnecessary because we already control the masses through military might, economic coercion, and a mind-control device called “the mainstream media” that can reprogram idiots to stab their legs repeatedly and blame refugees. This is also known as voting Tory. Or Labour for that matter.

It’s fair to say rapid advancements have been made in artificial intelligence. WEF overlord Klaus Schwab - the only man old enough to have witnessed Jacob Rees-Mogg being born during a lightning storm in days of yore - has truly seen it all, and even he was excited.

The man whose dream is to put microchips in everyone’s heads revealed his latest invention, the Rishbot 3001, a significant upgrade from the current UK prime minister, Rishbot 3000, which has thankfully been scrapped.

It is understood the Rishbot 3001 is 12% more human-like than the last version and has already been tested on the public where it showed Tory-like qualities by laughing in the faces of those who said they can’t afford to eat. The Rishbot 3001 is surprisingly convincing, but it’s unclear if it’s sophisticated enough to pass a Turing test.

It’s fair to say the Davos conference was full of all kinds of exciting innovations. The people no one voted for, who decided they were in charge of the world for no other reason than they hoarded so much wealth they can coerce you into doing as you’re told, are perfect examples of why our current capitalist model is such a brilliant idea. But that idea is still not good enough.

They want to go one step further and create the ultimate system - stakeholder capitalism - which basically means the stakeholders in society (rich people) stay rich forever and you stay poor forever, but you’re not supposed to know that. You’re supposed to do cognitive dissonance and get mad at other poor people.

There was an interesting moment at the event when fans of anarcho-capitalist Javier Millei witnessed their hero praising their arch enemies. The man who wants the exact same thing as the WEF was supposed to be the opposite according to the shrewd political observers who saw a chainsaw and said: “That’s our guy!”

Millei’s fans weren’t the only ones who were feeling confused though. “Free enterprise capitalism is the only tool we have to end hunger and poverty!” the Argentinian leader insisted, but then everyone remembered we are supposed to pretend to care here. Millei fans and the WEF factions were reminded they have something in common - no values whatsoever - and tensions settled down.

If we can get everyone (including poor people) to agree the real enemy is poor people while pretending to care about poor people we might just avoid World War III after all. It seems us propagandists are going to have our work cut out x

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