Tories ecstatic living standards are falling by largest amount ever

This news could not be better for the tax-dodging sociopaths out there!

The Tory Party is thrilled to hear that its efforts to crush the working class are surpassing expectations. The Office for Budget Responsibility predicts UK living standards are set to fall by the largest amount since records began in the 1950s.

The 1950s, for those who aren’t old enough to remember, was a time when everything was black and white, social media was a thing where you had to talk to people face to face (they called it socialising) and we still had rations because of World War II.

The Tories are confident that the 2020s when the water is brown and refugees are only allowed to be white and we have rations because of Brexit and we’re too tired to talk to people face to face are going to be even worse.

In the 1950s, the anti-growth coalition was in charge and this meant that instead of crushing the working class with brutal austerity, they used “investment” to build council houses and infrastructure and things that made life easier for the poor. They actually had a social safety net and a functioning NHS because the ancestors of the woke mob wouldn’t let them destroy those things. Thank goodness times have changed!

Fortunately, today we have a 100% budget deficit, meaning we can’t afford the kind of investment we could afford back when we had a 250% budget deficit. We are obviously much poorer today than we were in the 1950s because we were recovering from being bombed by Hitler for six years whereas today we’re recovering from being pillaged by the Tories for 13 years. That’s obviously much worse, but only if you’re poor.

I’ve been told by someone smarter than me that the biggest two-year drop in wages ever recorded was due to price rises outstripping wage growth. As a solution, the government is considering a new currency for the working class who are obviously too stupid to participate in our monetary system.

One possibility is that we pay them peanuts. I don’t mean a small amount of money, I mean pay them like they are performing monkeys because let’s be honest, that’s all they are. Most of their jobs are going to be taken by Chat GPT soon anyway and I don’t see why productive people like me should give them our taxes.

Obviously, something has to be done and if you’re having doubts, don’t forget that monster Putin is forcing our government to do all the things it desperately wants to do. UK living standards are lagging behind other industrialised countries because when the Tories said they wanted a high-skilled, high-wage, high-growth economy, they sadly lied so you idiots would vote for them.

Fortunately, Jeremy Hunt’s budget is going to do nothing to improve your living standards unless you’re a rich pensioner. We have the second-lowest GDP growth in the G7 and our wage growth is 28th out of 34 in the OECD. Apparently, our output per capita growth is about half of the US and the EU, and I’ve no idea what this means, but it sounds brilliant!

Life expectancy is falling because our healthcare strategy is to let you die if you get sick, but you’ll be reassured to hear the working class are 22% poorer than they are in France. The moral of the story is that getting out on the streets like the French and making demands of your government is a terrible idea because it works x

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