Trump condemns Iran for placing its country among US military bases
President Trump has condemned Iran for an unprovoked act of aggression that has raised the terrifying prospect of all-out war in the Middle East.
Through an unknown technique, presumably time travel, Iranians positioned their country where they knew the US would build military bases 7,000 years later. Iran’s ballistic missiles now pose a threat to those bases that encircle the place where no country should be.
Obviously, it’s unacceptable that Iran could prevent itself from becoming the next Gaza, so the US needs to launch pre-emptive strikes. Trump is so concerned by Iran’s ability to defend itself that he might soon force it to defend itself. As you can see, this logic makes perfect sense.
The only thing making Trump hesitate is the possibility that Iran might defend itself. When the US and Israel bombed Iran last year, the monstrous Iranians responded by making Tel Aviv go boom! Sure, you laughed when Tel Aviv went boom, but it wouldn’t be funny if a US aircraft carrier went kerplunk, would it?
To avoid the risk of further laughter, Trump has generously offered Iran an olive branch. He told the Iranians that if the US attacks, they must agree to either not retaliate or launch only a symbolic response. Sadly, the Ayatollah responded, “lol, fuck no!” leaving the US with no choice but to attack.
Unfortunately, international law says you can’t bomb a country just because it has positioned itself among your military bases. The US needed an excuse so Mossad agents infiltrated Iran, burnt down hundreds of mosques, and murdered Iranians in a touching show of solidarity.
The ensuing violence gave us the excuse we need to liberate Iran. Every media outlet is now dutifully amplifying the war propaganda and acting like there is no other side to the argument. Even better, the UK is going to proscribe the IRGC so that anyone who tells the truth can be jailed for terrorism.
Obviously, the rest of the world needs to be silenced so Netanyahu plans to censor all social media companies like he has censored TikTok. Don’t you fucking dare say Zionists control the media though, or you will be de-platformed!
We desperately want war so much that we are praying Iran doesn’t give in to US demands. Trump recently said Iran must do two things to avoid war: one is no nuclear, and two is stop killing protesters. Obviously, Israel is the only democracy in the Middle East that is allowed to have nukes and slaughter Iranians. If it wanted, Israel could use its nukes on Iranians and that would be fine.
Iran has made clear that it would return to the nuclear deal that Trump tore up during his first term—and Trump has already admitted Iran has stopped killing rioters. Trump needed to shift the goalposts so now he is saying Iran is not allowed to have a ballistic missile program. Basically, Iran must agree to be defenceless so we can bomb it at will, or else we will bomb it at will. Isn’t that reasonable? x
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Laura from Normal Island, thanks for continuing to inject humor into the ghastliest of evernts, as the drumbeat for war against Iran is being sounded, not only by the Monster-in-Chief, but also, by supposedly leftist papers like The Guardian.... and worse:
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For the last month, during which the CIA, the Mossad and MI6 have been conducting their insidious False Flag operation with Iran, attempting to foment an insurrection by reportedly burning down hundreds of Mosques and Fire Stations and Ambulances, and assassinating over a thousand police officers {shades of exploding pagers?}, Democracy Now, and Amy Goodman – who claim to be progressives – to my everlasting horror, have insisted on reporting these events by repeating the Empire’s propaganda that it is the State of Iran that is propagating the violence against their own people, rather than the Empire that is assaulting Iran and its people.
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The U.S. assaulted Iran, first by economic sanctions that provoked what were indeed initially peaceful portests (that the State of Iran allowed to proceed peacefully), then by infiltrating the peaceful protests with agent provovateurs, with guns bombs to assassinate Iranian police officers and Iranian citizens, and destroy the mosques, fire stations and ambulances; and now by bring waring to their doorstep.
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Perfect again!! However, I think it would be hilarious if say, the ginormous Abe Lincoln carrier would drop to the ocean floor like an after-Thanksgiving turd in an all-male boarding house.