Trump considering regime change war in New York after voters make the wrong choice

New Yorkers have caused dismay and bemusement in the White House after forgetting how democracy is supposed to work. They have only gone and voted in their self-interest, instead of letting the worst people imaginable tell them how to vote. Terrifyingly, Americans are about to discover that mild social democracy works pretty well. I think I’m gonna be sick…

If you don’t know what I'm banging on about, Zohran Mamdani has become the first New Yorker since 1969 to win over one million votes in the mayoral race with 12% of votes still to be counted. An investigation is underway at ICE to figure out why no one has deported the scary brown Islamist.

Zohran is an extremist who wants to introduce Sharia law and force New York’s women to wear burkas. Well, apart from his beautiful wife who wears really cool clothes, actually. Zohran wants to redistribute wealth from the rich to the poor which is exactly the wrong way around. But the biggest issue is that he doesn’t support Israel’s genocide, and is still hugely popular with young Jews.

Propagandists like myself tried so hard to convince you that Zohran wants to fly planes into skyscrapers and turn Walmarts into mosques, but no one believed us. It’s almost like the most insanely racist propaganda campaign ever was a bad idea.