We might finally have a distraction big enough to deflect from the Epstein files: aliens

Since the emergence of social media, the public has become “ungovernable” because the horrifying truth is too much for them.

For some baffling reason, poor people are much less accepting of paedophilia than rich people. It’s the one bigotry that we can’t get the public to overcome. Even the woke mob won’t accept paedos and they’ll accept the weirdos that we bullied at school.

In 2018, a German scholar argued we should be more accepting of paedophilia and only managed to unite the left and right. It was our biggest nightmare! You lot wanted to burn her at the fucking stake! You can imagine how nervous we were...

Focus groups show you won’t even accept paedophilia from the super rich, meaning your betters cannot be their authentic selves and are forced to pretend to care about children. It’s incredibly unfair.

The stigma is well and truly out of control. Things are France 1789 levels of bad and we desperately need a deflection because the guillotines are being sharpened.

In recent weeks, the goyim has simply refused to stop talking about the Epstein files. Our rulers are looking around at each other, asking which of their friends they’re willing to sacrifice to save themselves, and the answer is “all of them”.

Problem is if you throw one paedo under a bus, they will inevitably blab about all the others. We are one miscalculation away from the truth about so many missing children emerging...

It is therefore time for the nuclear option: aliens. All I can say is thank god that little grey fella was drink-driving at Roswell in 1947. His perfectly preserved corpse is our get out of jail free card!

Now I’m sure you won’t have a hard time believing in aliens, but I bet you never had Obama saving Trump on your bingo card.

Obviously, no one would believe Trump if he started rambling about aliens. They would assume he had forgotten to take his meds, or the dementia had reached a tipping point or something, so he needed someone who can string a sentence together. Sadly, this meant Melania was off the table.

Trump needed someone who is not linked to the child rape cabal, someone who seems mildly respectable, and only his nemesis Obama could fit the bill. You can imagine how awkward that conversation was...

No one knows how Trump made Obama go along with his plan, but Obama did just that on “No Lie with Brian Tyler Cohen” — a podcast in which no one can ever lie.

The former president of the United States said “aliens are real” in a way that definitely wasn’t stage managed. He then explained there are no aliens at Area 51, but this is technically not a lie because the bodies were moved to Little St James long ago.

Excitingly, Obama’s soft disclosure has paved the way for Trump to make the biggest ever paedophile distraction speech. If anyone doubts him, he will be able to say “Obama said it too” and watch the liberals go into meltdown. Now no one can question Trump ever again.

Aliens are definitely real and all I can say is “I fucking told you so, didn’t I?” This is what my smug face looks like!

All you idiots accused me of being part of the Epstein cover up, or worse, of sixth form satire, when I am the greatest prophet of our time. You should know by now I am NEVER wrong!

The government was always keeping aliens in its pocket for just this moment. Obviously, they couldn’t just share the biggest secret in human history. They could only reveal the truth when they needed to get away with the biggest scandal in human history.

Let the history books show that humans discovered their true place in the universe because of a paedophile ring. Aliens were how paedophiles finally achieved acceptance. It’s so poetic, isn’t it?

So now you know, aliens are real and your rulers are pedophiles, just wait until you find out the names of the aliens’ rulers are Moloch and Ba’al. That’s a whole different rabbit hole you’re not ready for!

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