Women of Tehran liberated by fiery oil rain and carcinogenic smoke as their city burns
In the greatest liberation since the US bombed a girls’ school, and bombed it again when rescuers arrived, the Epstein axis has bestowed the ultimate liberation on the women of Tehran.
On Saturday night, the only democracy in the Middle East with the right to own WMDs launched the largest chemical attack in history when it destroyed Tehran’s oil facilities.
The same geniuses who made Ayatollah Khamenei 30 years younger said they are confident there will be no repercussions for their heroism as huge power cuts struck Tel Aviv. Obviously, this made no sense because Trump said he had destroyed Iran’s missile capabilities…
Anyways, the world has unfortunately lost contact with Tel Aviv, but I was on the ground in Tehran to bring you first-hand reports and let me tell you, I had the time of my life! The scenes were jubilant as Israeli missiles destroyed Iran’s largest oil refinery, sending fire and smoke into the skies like Mount Doom had erupted.
Women tore off their hijabs, coughing “At last we’re free!” while choking on carcinogenic smoke—and the bravest ones removed all of their clothes to own the patriarchy. As the first reporter on the ground, I joined in the nudity faster than you can say “public indecency!” But other women had a change of heart and grabbed their hijabs for “safety reasons” as flaming rain drops blistered their skin. Fucking wimps.
The sky darkened like warm nuclear winter as trees smouldered and plants withered. Nitric acid melted the feathers of birds that fell to the ground, flapping until they became still. Soon the entire place was as lifeless as Dubai on a regular day, and yet it was… spectacular. Flames leapt from storm drains like something out of a heavy metal music video, or perhaps Hell. I guess you could say Tehran resembled Hell as blistered She-Hulks reclaimed their city, crushing any oppressor in their path.
At one point, I saw a member of the Morality Police, or possibly just a regular guy, given he was escorting his children to the car. Either way, I beat him to death with a rock like a Mossad agent infiltrating a protest, then I leaned into his corpse and whispered: “Up yours, patriarchy!” His daughters thanked me and tore off the hijabs they weren’t wearing.
Together, we paraded proudly through the streets as, one by one, the weak succumbed to fire and brimstone. “At least I died free”, one girl whimpered. Survivors breathed in so many hydrocarbons that the after-effects will make Gulf War Syndrome seem like a mild cough, but I told the women they’ll be fine because, unlike Americans, they have healthcare. However, they pointed out that Israel has bombed all of their hospitals (Zionists can be naughty like that).
The lung cancer risk was getting too high, even for a warrior like me, so I fled Iran before the nukes arrived, only to discover that privileged foreigners have been criticising Israel for this liberation. Their complaints hurt the feelings of Zionist university students everywhere, which is a clear crime against humanity, but I would expect nothing less from these woman haters.
All that matters is that the surviving women of Tehran are free, despite their drastically diminished life expectancy.
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At this point, in all seriousness, I hope someone is carving the names, into multiple stone tablets, of every single person who is preventing Israel from being disarmed and/or brought to justice.
Jonestown and similar suicide cults were mere blips, and now a shocking number of leaders worldwide (plus a majority of Republicans and several handfuls of Democrats) seem hellbent on drinking all the Kool-Aid - in the sense of losing their grasp on reality, I mean.
All those little girls, had woken up, had breakfast , chattered away happily to their mums and dads, as little girls do at that age. Then headed off to school excited for another day with their friends. They each had a little backpack that they hung on the back of their chairs.
And then they were blown to pieces, by the most pure evil that exists on this earth at the moment. And then as their parents and friends rushed to rescue them and try to help another bomb was dropped and those people were also blown to pieces. This was a planned double tap.
Maybe AI was involved but much more likely this was planned ahead of time, all the excuses in place. AI was able to pinpoint the Ayatollah and slaughter him and his family, right down to his 2 year old grandchild but apparently AI 'made a mistake' when murdering little girls. Rubbish, murder a nations children and hope to destroy their willingness to resist. The Russians do this to Ukraine as well as kidnapping thousands of children and taking them back to Russia to make them 'Russian'.
This playbook is well leant , practiced in Gaza, the first hospital to be blown up was apparently a 'stray Hamas rocket', now every single hospital in Gaza has been destroyed by the IDF, we can all see the truth. But its too late. The US and Israel have now bombed several hospitals in Iran, because they can and no one dares stop them.
Forcing the doctors and parents to leave the premature babies in their cots to die and rot was a particularly sadistic thing to do. But once you have enjoyed killing and torturing and film it and laugh and bring your friends to see it all unfold with nibbles and drinks, you are lost and there is no way back.
And here we are at the end of our civilisation led by cruel narcissistic paedophiles and religious extremists. If only humans could learn from their history...