The Americans who can't have healthcare can't wait to fight another war for Israel
Who else is excited? x
The Americans who can't have healthcare are ecstatic they are about to get something much better: an unwinnable war in the Middle East. Life just isn't the same when they're not fighting an unwinnable war in the Middle East, is it?
The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and across the region went so well that millions died and we gave birth to a beautiful baby called ISIS. In a heart-warming story, ISIS grew up to marry Al Qaida and their child, HTS, took charge of Syria, so who knows what unimaginable horrors could be unleashed this time?
All I know is war is coming at an opportune moment to save Netanyahu's political career and help him avoid accountability for genocide. Personally, I can't think of a better reason to sacrifice American soldiers. Remember kids, it's antisemitic to not want to die for Israel.
This war is only happening because Iran launched a totally unprovoked attack on Israel, shortly after Israel sabotaged peace talks and bombed Iranian apartment buildings and gloated about it.
Disgracefully, Iran undermined our ridiculous fantasies that "Iran has never been weaker" and the "balance of power in the Middle East has irrevocably shifted in Israel's favour". Iran was meant to obediently be destroyed, but it chose to fight back for no apparent reason. No wonder Macron said Israel has a right to defend itself.
Horrifyingly, residential buildings were struck as Iran targeted Israeli military infrastructure in the heart of Tel Aviv. Israel has been unable to explain why it is using human shields this way.
You will be relieved to hear that many Israelis are hiding in underground bunkers that some have likened to "tunnels". I can assure you that Netanyahu is not hiding in one of those tunnels. Turns out he has pissed off to Greece because he fancies a holiday while his people die to ensure his political survival.
An Israeli woman, who was born with a condition known as "lack of self-awareness", cried the house she had just bought was destroyed. It's unclear whether the house was built by Israelis, or if it's one of those that was stolen from Palestinians in 1948, but either way, that woman had a deep and emotional connection to that house. It's feared she may now have to live in a tent and that is fucking inhumane. Next thing, she will be told to walk across her country to a safe zone.
Multiple civilians have died so far, according to the Likud-run health ministry, but who trusts anything run by Likud? Israelis are concerned they have set the precedent that schools, universities and hospitals are legitimate military targets. They want to backtrack on that one now that they might be the victims.
An Israeli spokesperson said: "It's outrageous that Iran did to us what we did to Gaza, just because we keep bombing Iran and murdering its scientists and military leaders and random children."
An Iranian spokesperson simply replied: "Don't start a war you can't win."
Plumes of smoke are rising from the Tel Aviv cityscape as Israelis face horrors that we haven't seen since the IDF did the same to Gaza the day before. The scenes across Israel were so devastating that police arrested anyone caught filming because we can't let the world know Israel is losing, can we?
It turns out the iron dome was made out of wet toilet paper, and no one told the Iranians that F-35s are stealthy because it has been shooting them down and capturing the pilots. Israel is now desperately waiting for its AIPAC-controlled army to come to its rescue.
We can only pray that Trump's supporters don't continue turning against him, because if they do, he might have cold feet and Israel will be fucked. That doesn't bear thinking about, does it? x
Thank you so much for reading my outstanding journalism! If you enjoyed this article, you can buy me a coffee below or simply share this article with a friend. Your support is hugely appreciated x
Fuck Israel.
And all of its accomplices.
"An Israeli woman, who was born with a condition known as "lack of self-awareness", cried the house she had just bought was destroyed." =====>
Long time israel watchers weighed in on this chronic condition, saying corroborating symptoms included feelings of inherited but exclusive generational victimhood repeated ad-infinitum always out-of-context, combined with a puzzling absence of cognitive dissonance. As of going to press, Iranian do-gooders were trying out something curative - droning on and on about their limited success. Fingers were crossed.