British patriots distraught to hear the Liverpool driver was not in fact a Muslim immigrant
They had scheduled racist tweets and everyfink...
After yesterday's horrific incident in Liverpool in which a car drove into a crowd, leaving dozens injured, it's fair to say the patriots of the country were ecstatic, I mean deeply concerned for the victims.
In the immediate aftermath, their spider senses were tingling and they just knew the driver was one of those foreign Muslim brown immigrunts who don't share our values such as drinking, smoking, rioting, and not being allowed to see the kids without supervision.
There was understandable anger about the attacker and an insistence that all Muslims and immigrants must be held accountable. You can imagine how confused the divorced men with misspelt tattoos were when police announced they had arrested a white British man in connection with the incident.
The calm and rational Joey Barton quietly edited one of his tweets to remove a racist dog whistle. Others deleted theirs. The nation's foremost gammons held a Zoom meeting to discuss how to proceed, and their decision was that we will make this about race anyway. What else would we do?
I would therefore like to announce that we are furious that police announced the driver was white so quickly. They told us the race of the man within an hour of the attack, meaning they barely gave us the chance to vilify an entire group of people for something they never did. We can only conclude the police are racist towards bright red people who can barely speek their own language.
A spokesperson for the police firmly denied the anti-gammon allegations, explaining: "We had to announce the race of the driver to stop you fucking idiots lynching people who had nothing to do with this".
A pitchfork-wielding man with no teeth said Sir Mark Rowley must resign for this outrage. He insisted this is a cover-up and the driver was a brown man wearing white face to make us look stupid. It takes a lot to make us patriots look stupid.
Attempted London mayor and future president of the Aryan race, Ant Middleton, was quick to emphasise the important lesson here: foreigners must be dealt with, including that bastard Sadiq Khan (no one tell Ant that Liverpool is not in London).
Ant explained that when he "steps up" there will be mass deportations of anyone he doesn't like the smell of, and their entire families. Yes, Ant is going to deport totally innocent people, just as soon as he's finished crying for the victims of the Liverpool attack. He's really upset about those x
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I bloody love your writing, you are spot on every time.
Honestly those immigrants are such spongers now that they can't even be bothered doing the terrorism. The white man just has to do everything these days.