CIA furious Maduro still Venezuelan president, despite getting the most votes

Venezuela is doing democracy all wrong

The CIA has reacted with disappointment after the world's largest oil reserves ended up with the wrong leader again.

In a shock result, Nicolas Maduro has monstrously imposed himself on the people of Venezuela, despite getting more votes than the other candidate. All the countries that want Venezuela’s oil have called the credibility of the election into question.

Remember, it’s only wrong to question the outcome of US elections and a January 6th in Venezuela would be good actually 👍

The Venezuelan Supreme Court wouldn't even allow the woman who was funded by the US state department onto the ballot, but it did allow a socialist onto the ballot. The party that rigged the primary against Bernie Sanders said “this is not how democracy is supposed to function”.

Thankfully, the Democrats were backed by the UK prime minister who is incapable of formulating a foreign policy without speaking to the White House first.

Sir Keir Starmer would like you to know the 900 international election observers who ratified the result are wrong and Maduro needs to be punished. A Downing Street spokesman said: “We’re gonna do to this guy what we would love to do to Jeremy Corbyn!”

One of the White House spokespeople who deny the Gaza genocide has expressed deep concern about "the human rights situation over there". Clearly, the CIA has no choice but to export democracy before Venezuela does a trade deal with China or something.

As everyone knows, the CIA has the world’s best track record when it comes to exporting democracy. It magically noticed the Venezuelan elections were fraudulent the moment a result it didn’t like was announced. It then accused Maduro of meddling in the election process, something the CIA would never do.

If the CIA's candidate won, these elections would have been totally legit and proof Venezuelans were ready to embrace being a satellite state. As it stands, the people need to be punished, I mean liberated for not letting the CIA choose their leader.

Everyone can see the guy who attracted crowds of tens of thousands of adoring fans is much worse than the alternative of death squads slaughtering union leaders and activists. The US wants what’s best for Latin America, which is why it only ever installs the nicest puppets, such as General Augusto Pinochet and Jeanine Anez.

The CIA is still sad after it failed to save the Bolivian people from democracy, I mean dictatorship, so it’s looking forward to getting it right this time. Juan Guaido is excited this could finally be his moment. Fingers crossed. Everyone in Venezuela just said "Who the fuck is Juan Guiado?" But if you don’t support the CIA’s puppet, I can only assume you hate democracy.

Socialism collapsed the Venezuelan economy the moment the US started its well-meaning sanctions that killed 40,000 people. All Venezuelans fondly remember the days before socialism when neoliberalism kept them much, much poorer, and they’re desperate to return to that.

The CIA is therefore keen to encourage Venezuelans to riot and pretend Maduro is murdering them so it has an excuse to intervene. Violent crackdowns on rioters are unacceptable, unless they’re taking place in the US, in which case, what else would we do?

All the people who mildly disapprove of Biden’s genocide, but vote Democrat anyway, agree Nicolas Maduro is where they draw the line. This man is much worse than any US leader, even Trump, and he needs to be overthrown. His crimes include surviving CIA assassination attempts, demanding Israel stop its genocide, and not letting western companies plunder the world’s largest oil reserves. He even spoke of invading Guyana once, and talking about an invasion is much worse than actually doing one. Fucking warmonger x

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