105 Comments
User's avatar
Martin Williams's avatar

Jesus said to keep him out of this

David Reeve's avatar

By my reckoning Trump has broken 9 of the 10 commandments. (the exception being the mum and dad one) I doubt Jesus will be wearing a MAGA hat.

The Revolution Continues's avatar

Really. Jesus will say to these genocidal maniacs when he comes back: "I know you not!"

Mitch Ritter's avatar

Misattribution of quote. It came from utility MLB outfielder Jesus Alou of the trio of Alou Brothers to grace Major League BessBall in deez United States of Amnesia. NOT Jesus of Nazareth, PA....Again confusing Scriptural scenes with outtakes from The Deer Hunter....

Ed McKeon's avatar

I left the Methodist church when the minister refused to countenance a gathering to discuss Israel's genocide of Palestinians, even when I sent multiple links from Palestinian Christians asking for support from Western Christians. I was offered a prayer meeting.

David Elliott's avatar

Yes, I guess for certain Methodists the Palestinians have a ‘respectability’ problem.

Not so the neat and reasonable people linked to Israel.

wilter downs's avatar

The Methodists have always had a reactionary segment within its ranks. Its not as bad as the Anglicans, but it is still there.

Rebel Nun's avatar

You’re a hero. Thank you.

wilter downs's avatar

Its what happened when the Methodists split over slavery

David Elliott's avatar

Um yes. I thought I was being facetious but your comment about the Methodists and slavery made me feel I had probably been inspired.

By ‘respectability’ I suspect I meant ‘demanding respect’ which can be interpreted as ‘strong and imposing’. This would describe those ‘respectable’ people who kept slaves.

As ever it resolves down to support for either oppression (of some kind) or equality and integration.

But then maybe you read it this way anyway?

Martin's avatar

You were inspired. No room for debate over what was, is and always will be screamingly wrong

Michael P Peck's avatar

Methodists recognize a Palestinian state and oppose settlements by and arms transfers to Israel: "We believe that the current military strategy of the Israeli government, supported by U.S. weapons transfers and aid, will only lead to the destruction of the entire Gaza Strip, an unconscionable death toll that grows daily..."

https://www.unitedmethodistbishops.org/newsdetail/united-methodist-bishops-call-for-ceasefire-in-gaza-18303396

"The Methodist Church’s position is that a return to the borders of 1967 and a status for Jerusalem as a place for two nations and three faiths, with parity of esteem, is the real basis upon which trust could be built up among the different communities. The desire for a lasting peace can only be based on trust, security and freedom from fear for all people in the area...The state of Israel has a right to exist, Palestinians have the same right to self-determination and the State of Palestine should be recognized. The Methodist Conference in 2024 and 2025 called again on the British Government to recognize the State of Palestine...The building of illegal settlements on Palestinian land is illegal under International Humanitarian Law and should be reversed."

https://www.methodist.org.uk/faith/prayer/israel-palestine/statements-and-briefings/a-summary-of-the-methodist-conference-position-on-israel-palestine/

Ed McKeon's avatar

I'd better explain this to the minister...

Lisa Savage's avatar

Jesus wept. But then LOL while reading this.

Rebel Nun's avatar

OMG, Laura, you’re killing me with laughing and crying. Thanks for all your writing lately; it keeps me going.

Frances Leader's avatar

Opportunity for satire is so abundant, Laura, you are spoiled for choice!

I admire your ability to decide which insanity to write about next.

serghiy's avatar

…trump made satire obsolete

Emily's avatar

Yet she still somehow pulls it off

serghiy's avatar

…good for her and still not bad for trump

Michael's avatar

The stuff we thought was made up is real .. the stuff we thought was real is made up… I just can’t focus anymore

Rod Dawson's avatar

Alas, Jesus did return but as a schoolgirl in Minab.

Martin's avatar

Yes. Spit on!

Mike Fish's avatar

Let’s try this again.

Jesus told his disciples that he’d see a camel will pass through the eye of a needle before he’d believe anything that the rats and asses in israel and the u.s.a. say.

Now go in peace, and read your Epstein files, not that wholly babble.

Q10's avatar

And even with this, Trump repeats often, he may not be going to heaven until he rebrands it another Trump Golf and Resort.

ChatterX's avatar

"When Fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a Cross"

***

"There are no innocent civilians, so it doesn't bother me so much to be killing innocent bystanders."

"You've got to kill people, and when you've killed enough they stop fighting"

"Over a period of three years or so, we killed off — what — 20 percent of the population"

"If we maintain our faith in God, love of freedom, and superior global air power, the future looks good."

"I suppose if I had lost the war, I would have been tried as a war criminal..."

-U.S. Air Force Gen. Curtis LeMay, head of the Strategic Air Command during the Korean War

***

Frank Zappa on Reagan admin and the Threat of Fascist Theocracy in the United States, 1986:

http://substack.com/@thememoryhole/note/c-142238216

Inter-Dimensional Dissentery's avatar

I hope when Jesus (peace be upon him) comes back, he’s super brown and Arab looking. Just to irk the mega church grannies who want blonde, ripped ponytail Jesus.

Martin's avatar

Poor old Jesus didn't come from EasternEurope so his DNA was all wrong.

Spunty's avatar

That's how he came the first time. I doubt he'll be coming back at all.

ChatterX's avatar

Every religion has been weaponized by Imperialism.

Brits did it in India to put Hindus against Muslims (Pakistan), and even Muslims against each other (Sunni vs Shia), they also created the ethno-supremacist ideology called Zionism and founded their colony called Israel to put Jews against Arabs.

***

youtu.be/wtwwk5cuOvU?t=332

Amos's avatar
Mar 5Edited

There’s an argument that the Romans adopted Christianity so that they could impose it on Egypt to disrupt the Egyptian religion, which had been the main barrier to successful colonisation of Egypt up to that point. That is certainly what happened; it’s only the intentionality which is unclear.

Andy Naish's avatar

Is that why the troops are saying "Jesus, why has the Tangerine tosser landed us so deep in the crapper?"

Adrian Bergeron's avatar

It sounds like you have actually been talking to some of the dumber Americans

Rebel Nun's avatar

They seem to be in charge.

Feral Finster's avatar

The ones in charge don't believe any of it, but use it to fleece the rubes. If they truly thought that Jesus' return was imminent, why do they so frantically lay up for themselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal?

Martin's avatar

There's the tub. It's a con for the great unwashed. Money and sex make the elite world go round. Always was.

Martin's avatar

Err there seems to be an awful lot of them. Wonder how many had heard of Tehran let alone Minab before last weekend?

Kim's avatar

All Hail the Queen of Snark!

Rebel Nun's avatar

I’m not suggesting anything; I’d rather it didn’t happen anywhere, but isn’t Armageddon prophesied to be the destruction of Jerusalem? Israel just moved it?!? And the Christian nutheads just went along?

Feral Finster's avatar

For people who claim to be all about the Bible, unfiltered, literal, no interpretation, I am often surprised how few Evangelicals have ever actually read The Bible from cover to cover.

Amos's avatar

All the stuff Jesus said for example! They’re often very up to speed on all the “hating people” stuff out of the Old Testament but not so much the “loving people” stuff that Jesus is said to be known for by people who paid attention to his words.

Feral Finster's avatar

In my experience, Evangelicals are familiar with Genesis, Revelations, some sex stuff and a few underlined proof texts.

Biggest mistake the Catholic Church ever made, arguably, was to divide the Bible into chapters and verses (this happened in medieval times), making proof texts much easier.