Elon Musk set to become the world's first trillionaire to be guillotined
This should cheer you up while you dig into a tin of cold beans and wonder how you’re gonna make rent: Elon Musk has become the world’s first trillionaire. This shows what can be achieved when we cut public services to the bone to keep the tax bills of CEOs artificially low. Who needs a functioning healthcare system when you can have super yacht races?
Elon is celebrating his success by choosing not to end world hunger for $6 billion—just 5% of his net worth.
He reached this inspiring milestone by passing off other people’s inventions as his own, laying off half his workers, treating the rest like slaves, and putting out products that don’t work. Exploding cars, exploding spaceships, and exploding Twitter. It’s more cost effective to clear up the bodies than invest in R&D.
Just six years ago, Elon was languishing in poverty as only the 35th richest person in the world. He had an embarrassing $28 billion to his name and was so poor, his workers were struggling to keep a roof over their heads. His solution was to get rid of most of those workers and keep the money for himself.
Elon is living proof that you can achieve great things when you spend all your time tweeting about immigrants. If you stopped whining and expecting handouts from the government, you too could receive $38 billion in government subsidies—the equivalent of just $150 from every adult in the US. Clearly, you need to stop making excuses for your failures.
Elon put every dead beat dad to shame by letting other people run his businesses while he had 14 kids, seven of whose names he can still remember. At least one of those children doesn’t hate him and given how many birthdays he’s forgotten, that’s pretty good going.
Elon is a perfect example of how you can fail upwards. He became a millionaire at 27 and a billionaire at 41. He then harnessed all of his anger from being rejected by Epstein island to become the world’s only trillionaire at 54. His next milestone is to become the world’s first trillionaire to be guillotined.
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I am learning to knit so that I can sit in the front row in the traditional way, a Les Tricoteuse’s!
The world’s first guillonaire.